Some memes

just means being willing to let things go. it is more than a little ironic that what i heard this morning, was that i can let go of being right, especially when it comes to myself. the source material was all about group conscience and being a part of that process, which include accepting an outcome that may not be to my liking. i am no longer an active member of my local sub-committee, at least on attending committee meetings, because i found i was more disruptive with my notions about how it should be done, rather than actually contributing to forming a sound consensus based decision. what once worked and still may work, is not the direction the newest members of that committee see as palatable and instead of bullying and insisting on them seeing it my way, that piece of service is better off without me. i am still a worker bee, carrying the message into places where no meetings take place, and i still have a strong desire to continue to do so.
as this part of my day, as i have finished everything i had the desire to accomplish, i might just say so long and thanks for all the fish, ads this is the last task i decided i “must” do. the fact of the matter is, i have yet to actually touch on my willingness to let go, as it pertains to me and the whole irony of what i tripped across in my source material.
after writing out my SECOND STEP assignment yesterday afternoon, i slept very well last night and when i sat this morning, i had the notion that my insanity was circling around the fact that when i let something go, it usually has very deep claw marks. that was true back in the day, and unfortunately is still true today, as i uncovered over the past few weeks as my step worked me over with a spiritual truncheon. what i am feeling right now, is that perhaps, just maybe, the time has come to let go of what i was and allow myself to become what i am. i may not know how that is going to feel and with any change, big or small, there is always FEAR in my heart. the odd thing is, that ever since i began to live a program of active recovery, no change has hurt me in the long run.
just an aside, after considering what i heard at my home group yesterday, i am glad i am no longer a victim of fate or destiny. i take responsibility for my life and when things go wrong, i look to see, if i had a part in that disaster. nine times out of ten, i certainly did have a part, big or small, and i have to look for the ways and means to prevent that, taking part in the disasters in my life, and accepting everything that is beyond my control. just for today.

∞ DT ∞