Some memes

is one of the gifts that i never thought i would get. in fact, i thought i was living a great life, in active addiction. as i sit here this morning trying to cancel the terrible dental plan i bought to get me through until Medicare kicked in. it was so much easier to purchase the plan than it is to cancel it. the ironic part of this entire debacle is that without recovery, i doubt i would have any teeth left in my head to “insure,” if i actually had survived to my sixty-fifth birthday. the life i thought was so great, was killing me physically, emotionally and spiritually, and i was oblivious to what was going on. looking back at that life from this vantage point, i can see i was a master of self-deception, rationalization and justification. the excuses i manufactured because i was afraid of doing something changed all of my “won'ts” into “can'ts” and i did not care. this morning, as i struggle with this cancellation this morning, i am getting less spiritual by the moment. i am now being transferred to my fifth representative and i need to pause, breathe and understand that their process is set up to make it as difficult as possible to leave. that is how big bidness works and i am stuck in that trap. taking my frustration out on the service reps will not help me accomplish the task at hand.
part of this “better” life is getting to go places i never dreamed i would be going, such as Ireland and Iceland, this summer. beyond the ability to travel, having a home of my own and being present for those in my life, even when i am only half-way there, is another benefit. learning to accept that the answer i am going to get to difficult questions is i can't, means that i can stop asking. there is no reason for me to pretend that find that a satisfactory answer, when it FEAR or the difficulty of the task that is creating that blockage. i choose to live in a different manner today and i have done the footwork necessary to get here. as the hour grows late, it is time for me to post this little ditty so i can get on to my next task, some miles under my sneakers, just for today.

∞ DT ∞