Blog entry for:

my expectations and learning to listen for the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery, is certainly a task i have to consciously work at every day. ironically, when i was using, my belief in GOD, such as it was, gave me the FAITH to carry on with the life i had created, even though that life was killing softly and slowly with its song. this morning as i came upon the time to start writing this, i flashed back to that evening in Utah, when i was sitting in the local county jail, because i was getting high while waiting for the rest of our party to get back on track on our long shuttle.i was broke, all my money went into getting this trip together and the injustice of it all, really sucked. i did not know how the heck i was going to get to where we needed to be, and i was praying like a mad dog for GOD to get me out of that jam. as i sit here today, i see that experience as just one of the thousands of times when i got myself in some sort of jam and fantasized about some miraculous rescue.
these days, after a minute clean and a decade and a half of coming to terms with coming to believe, i no longer find myself in situations that require any sort of rescue, in fact, i find myself comfortably ensconced in a life worth living, with an understanding of a POWER that provides for my needs, or at least the opportunity for me to get my needs met, IF i am paying attention. today is one of those days, where life on life's terms requires that i change up the order i do things, if i want to get everything done.as a result, i have to cut this exercise a bit short and get out on the streets in dawn's early light. it is a good day to surrender my expectations of a HIGHER POWER and myself and live in the here and now, accepting what comes, paying attention to what is happening around me and grabbing the opportunities as i see them.

∞ DT ∞