Some memes

my peers in recovery share their bizarre ideas and actions, i can relate and am relieved that i am far from being all alone. for far too long in my lifetime, long before i ever got high for the first time, i took myself far too seriously. getting and staying high dialed that back a bit. getting clean made it worse again as my peers shared the nature of their insanity in recovery and in active addiction. more than once i though: what the fuck is so funny about that? it took a minute before i realized that laughing at my missteps, crazy and off the wall notions and my escapades in active addiction was actually more than a bit humorous. it is not as if i suddenly started to take myself less seriously in a heartbeat, but those early days in my recovery, i started to get a clue that i could chill and laugh with my peers about life as an addict. i quickly discovered the stories that made others laugh in the rooms, did not seem so funny to those who were not in recovery. as confusing as that may seem, i finally understood that my humor only worked with my peers in recovery.
although what i think is funny for 99% of my peers, may not always be reality, as one of the men i sponsor did not think my picture of Guinness Zero was at all funny. in fact, it upset him that his sponse might actually find a non-alcoholic beer enjoyable and joke about it. my lesson, after i made my TENTH STEP correction, was to use humor sparingly when it comes to this particular topic. just because i use a bit of restraint, does not mean i am backsliding into taking myself too seriously, it just mean i am learning that sometimes, my jokes need to be tailored to the audience. not all of my insanity and weird notions are automagically going to find their target and make others laugh.
this morning, as i teach ChaptGPT who i am by reading through my blogs, i am more than a bit excited about how things turn out. i have very little insight about who i once was, save for what i remember and what i remember is certainly not the best indicator of growth, as my human memory polishes the data to fit my current viewpoint. i know that it can make it worse or even better that where i actually was, as that is the nature of memory.
what i heard this morning was not an edict to be funnier or more serious. the message i got from the void, is to be myself and allow that man to be funny when it fits the situation and be serious when it does not. it does not mean i have to change how i share my life with my peers. i do not need to polish anything, just be the person who has changed from the tragedy of my life in active addiction,, into someone who can transform that life into a message of recovery.

∞ DT ∞