Blog entry for:

as i approach my next clean date anniversary, more and more i look back over the past year with a bit more scrutiny than my daily inventory, which has become a bit shallow and rushed, as of late. that is neither here nor there, but it does bring up a point that has been nagging at the edge of my consciousness lately, what if i am not doing as well as i think i am? when i peek at the external things and events in my life, such as spending the day with my cousin on an adventure that includes more mile and more vertical feel of elevation, due to my miscalculations, it appears i am on solid ground. there is not a whole lot of strife in my life as i set and enforce boundaries, sometimes with a bit of extreme prejudice and a few bruised feelings on the other side of the line, as i will not do what they expected me to do. i have even done more than a few “good deeds” that i choose not to share about, as it is my belief that once i share them, the value of “nothing in return,” evaporates. what i took from the reading, on this lazy and slow moving Friday morning, is that perhaps i need to be a bit more diligent in my routine and ask the question am i doing better or worse than i think i am?
as i hinted above, i am moving slowly this morning, i slept in, and i read through all the news headlines, that i missed the opportunity to look at yesterday. i am in no hurry to get out on the streets and although i am not in pain, i still feel the detours we took yesterday, on our “find your own adventure” trek. what truly amazes me, is that i can have such a close and deep connection with one of my cousins but lack that in my immediate family. maybe it is true that familiarity does breed contempt. what i do take away form that little gem, is that perhaps what i am expecting from my siblings is way beyond what they are capable of giving. i am the one who needs to let go of my expectations of who they are and stop judging their actions based on motives that i am clueless about. maybe one more little nugget to check in on, in my languishing daily inventory, at least, just for today.

∞ DT ∞