Some memes

of today by surrendering yesterday and tomorrow into the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery, is not something that comes naturally to me. tend to dwell in the if only i hads and the what ifs, which totally fVcks with the here and now. do not get me wrong, i am much better at staying in the here and now than i used to be, but as always, there is certainly room for improvement. i know that yesterday, and yes here i go down that path, i went into a commentary about the dis-ease of current society being created by a very tiny and yet loud minority as they attempt to hold on to the power they believe is their God-given right. i am sure that this too shall pass and in then long run the civil majority will reclaim the center and win the war, but i am far from a patient person. one thing i do have to make clear, is that i respect the right of anyone to practice whatever spiritual path they choose to follow, until they try and force me to follow their moral code as well. i may not be “heaven-bound” but i will continue to do my best to minimize my contribution to this “hell on Earth🙻”
taking a moment to pause and check in with my gut, what i feel right here and right now is a bit of confusion about what happened last night. as part of my service commitment our group was asked to have a “special” meeting for someone who could not mix with those who generally attend our meetings. why he is being held out for special treatment was and is no concern of mine. part of what i do, is answer the call, and the two of us, did just that last night. what i do know, is that he certainly does not have a “drug problem.” that much was clear from what he chose to share with us. i suspect that if he is an addict, his “drug of choice” is a variety of behavior that most find abhorrent and totally unacceptable. i also suspect that led to the reason why he is where he is today and for his own safety is kept from mixing with others. i am not certain what his motives were for requesting our time, but i found myself at a loss for words trying to explain what the program of recovery that has given me this life, could mean for him, as he did not see to qualify as an addict. he certainly did not understand that for me, using was about getting high and i loved getting high right to the end. all of my peers in this program certainly get that notion. i did my best to not be dismissive or off-putting and who knows, perhaps the reading material we gave to him, will open some doors for him. i can say that he was desperately trying to be an “addict” but certainly never seemed to cross that threshold.
as i wind this little exercise down, i can see that i did nothing wrong last night and trying to explain what it is like for me to be an addict to someone who does not get it have been exactly what i needed to do. it certainly cleared up in my own head, who i am and what it means for this addict, to be an addict. just for today, i will do my best to stay in the here and now and take whatever opportunities that come down the pike. it is after all not a bad day to be clean and in recovery.

∞ DT ∞