Blog entry for:

seemed like a topic from way out in left field. i have to admit that i scratched my head when i saw the headline and even after reading the source material, i was still a bit confused about what the reading seemed to be saying: railroading someone into service was a good thing. it did speak directly to that, but the sort of service positions that were elucidated were certainly those that anyone with a few days clean and a desire to be a part of this fellowship, could easily fulfill and find a measure of success and stability, after the chaos of active addiction. what was glaring obvious from the reading was that an invitation to serve, need not come down as a mandate to do so.
as i step down off of my high horse and allow myself to be okay with what came to the surface as i sat this morning, i can state that i have been away from committee service for over a decade, even though i have received more than one invitation to return. i left that form of service at the suggestion of my sponse, who seemed to imply that i had taken on committee service to my fellowship as a HUGE part of my personal identity and as i worked some steps and got some distance, i could see that his observations were spot on. in the work i have done since i made that fateful decision, i can see that for me anyhow, stepping away and staying away was a good thing. because of that, i was able to focus my energy of carrying the message of recovery to individual addicts who are still suffering or have yet to make the decision that they have the desire to do something different with their lives. for me, the move has allowed me to hone what i have to offer to others, stripping away more and more of my opinions and interpretation and getting back into what has been written and approved by my peers in recovery.
this morning, as i prepare to step out into this rain-washed morning, i realize i am grateful for being “asked” to serve my fellowship, back in the day. emptying ashtrays after the meeting was my opening into the world of serving and as nasty as that may have been, it certainly did not kill me. what it did do, however, was make me feel as if i was contributing something to the welfare of the group, even though i was still many moons from making the decision to become a member. today, well actually tomorrow, as i set-up the meeting space of my home group, i know that i expect nothing in return for that service, save the opportunity to open the doors and welcome all those who happen to show up. after all, if not for someone like that, way back when, i would not be here today.

∞ DT ∞