β my active addiction was more than just a bad habit waiting to be broken by force of will β
Posted: Thu, Aug 10, 2006 08:46:05 AM
my addiction was a negative, draining dependence that stole all my positive energy.
and the source of the love and positive energy i have found since getting clean is a loving HIGHER POWER. this addict needs to touch that source at least consciously a couple of times every day to maintain any sort of sanity. of course that is not to say that i am any sort of sane. but sane or insane, and the relative comparisons of those labels in my life is a exercise for another day.
today i am thinking about how i can better participate in establishing that conscious contact though prayer and meditation. it is not that i do not pray and meditate on a daily basis, rather the quality of that prayer and especially meditation that is suspect. i know i could try harder and spend more time at doing the meditation gig, but honestly i have trouble sitting still and quieting my find for more than six or seven minutes at a time. and even writing this little missive this morning is causing me some problem. after all i do not want to admit that maybe i have some issues with any of this recovery gig stuff, i am supposed to be better now.
and there you have it, my addiction draining me of the positive part of what i have accomplished today. and across the course of my journey away from the darkness of active addiction.
so on a positive note, yes i am willing to work on what i need to today, and see my efforts for what they are -- a step in the right direction!
and the source of the love and positive energy i have found since getting clean is a loving HIGHER POWER. this addict needs to touch that source at least consciously a couple of times every day to maintain any sort of sanity. of course that is not to say that i am any sort of sane. but sane or insane, and the relative comparisons of those labels in my life is a exercise for another day.
today i am thinking about how i can better participate in establishing that conscious contact though prayer and meditation. it is not that i do not pray and meditate on a daily basis, rather the quality of that prayer and especially meditation that is suspect. i know i could try harder and spend more time at doing the meditation gig, but honestly i have trouble sitting still and quieting my find for more than six or seven minutes at a time. and even writing this little missive this morning is causing me some problem. after all i do not want to admit that maybe i have some issues with any of this recovery gig stuff, i am supposed to be better now.
and there you have it, my addiction draining me of the positive part of what i have accomplished today. and across the course of my journey away from the darkness of active addiction.
so on a positive note, yes i am willing to work on what i need to today, and see my efforts for what they are -- a step in the right direction!
∞ DT ∞