๐ feeling connected, ๐
Posted: Wed, Mar 19, 2025 10:35:08 AM
finding community! i can certainly say that when i came to recovery i was not looking for my lost tribe. my using buddies were my community, as they seem to accept me exactly as i wanted them to. since i. was a walking contradiction, living a lie and playing whatever role i needed to play to get what i needed to get. what i did not feel was any sort of connection with those folks and was not sure that i wanted to form any connections with the folks who were in the rooms. i lived my life in the safest manner possible, which was behind my wall of denial in my fortress of solitude. if i let no one in, no one could ever hurt me. i stayed clean, i kept coming to the meetings and the my wall of denial was slowly eroding away, as the drip, drip, drip of recovery, worked its magic.
today, days and days later, i am grateful that i found a place where i really belong and those who are here, get me and allow me the freedom to be me, once i exploded the lie that defined me for so long. i may not know exactly who i am or where i may be going, BUT, i know that my peers have my back. where once upon a time i felt the need to hide in plain sight, today i comfortable living as i am, in the here and now, just the way i am. that does not mean that i do not have the desire to return to the comfort of isolation. the insanity i have been considering, as i prepare to write my STEP TWO, is directly related to where i have been and how easy it is to slip back into that zone. what sanity may look like in ths instance is something that is just starting to dawn on me.
anyhow, today i am a member in good standing of the fellowship that has brought me through 10K+ days of just for today. i am content to have friends and peers who know the real me, warts and all. i am also content to have a place to dump my shit, without any overt judgment or feedback. the nice part is that as aprt of that tribe, i too, can share my experience, strength and hope, when one of my peers is the still suffering addict. i know that today, i can only keep what i have by giving it away.
today, days and days later, i am grateful that i found a place where i really belong and those who are here, get me and allow me the freedom to be me, once i exploded the lie that defined me for so long. i may not know exactly who i am or where i may be going, BUT, i know that my peers have my back. where once upon a time i felt the need to hide in plain sight, today i comfortable living as i am, in the here and now, just the way i am. that does not mean that i do not have the desire to return to the comfort of isolation. the insanity i have been considering, as i prepare to write my STEP TWO, is directly related to where i have been and how easy it is to slip back into that zone. what sanity may look like in ths instance is something that is just starting to dawn on me.
anyhow, today i am a member in good standing of the fellowship that has brought me through 10K+ days of just for today. i am content to have friends and peers who know the real me, warts and all. i am also content to have a place to dump my shit, without any overt judgment or feedback. the nice part is that as aprt of that tribe, i too, can share my experience, strength and hope, when one of my peers is the still suffering addict. i know that today, i can only keep what i have by giving it away.
∞ DT ∞