Some memes

of the idea that my way is the only way. it seems that part of who i am, is a person who believes that he is always one hundred percent correct when deciding what he needs to do as well as proving helpful hints on life hacks, for all those around me. it is a well-practiced act and one that was well protected by the wall of denial i constructed since the day i decided i was too broken to be seen in public. as i did the footwork required to be a member of the “No Matter What Club,” i started to see how flawed my thinking was in this regard and began to accept that maybe, just maybe, it was possible that i did not know what was best for me or anyone else. i can sincerely say that across the course pof my recovery, i have been envious of ,my peers who grasped that simple concept so much quicker than i did, and in my head i concocted stories about them not being as “sick” as i am.
this morning as i sat and contemplated on how humility is being expressed in my life today, i saw that i was still far from the ideal i wish to uphold. in a time not so long ago, i would have used that as ammunition to support the notion that perhaps this recovery gig is not paying off, after all, here i sit, far from where i have the desire to be. this morning, i saw that as progress, because i did not pick up that theme and run with it. i may not be where i want to be, but i am not where i was for all the decades of using and recovery. i can be open to and hell, even accept a bit of support today, as i now know that i may have a few of the answers about what i need to do, but i am far from having all of them, just for today.
as i step out into the real world and do my best to be cognizant of those around me, i know that i can always be a better version of myself, i i am honest about who and what i am. i can also see that even though i may be seeing the universe from its very center, the universe does not revolve around me. just for today, i seek the balance of knowing my place in the world and what i h=bring to the table.

∞ DT ∞