๐ซ i am free ๐ซ
Posted: Thu, Sep 4, 2025 10:19:42 AM
to change my mind, to change my perspective, and to change my life. i have to admit, that living life by default and using my blame-thrower, seems a whole lot easier than choosing how i live on a daily basis. what i did not really care for, was the consequences of living in that manner, even though i rationalized, justified and obfuscated any of my responsibility away, at least in my own head. yesterday i chose to go down a rabbit hole, rather than writing this exercise or going to a meeting at noon. i am still exploring the depths of my obsession, but today, would rather write this, before heading back on mission. i choose to enjoy this morning, in my backyard and talk about what it is like to choose. i do remember, back in the day when i heard Getty Lee sing: “If you choose not to decide You still have made a choice” and think he was full of shit. 😎
it took me a very long minute, to understand that having the freedom to choose anything, was a gift. when one wanders this world seeking approval from others and “playing to the crowd,” one is in the jail of their own ego and self-will. i truly believed for the longest time in my recovery, that would always be who i was and i would never change. when i was freed from the lie that ruled my life for so long, i finally started on the path towards real freedom, not just from active addiction, but self-obsession and what i believed others were thinking about me. coming to this place after a few days of clean time, feels weird, unusual and more than a bit uncomfortable. as i walk into the next phase of my life, i will make the choices that align with my values, my perspectives and my life as it is today. if change is called for, well there will be a bit of wailing and gnashing of my teeth, but in the long run, i am certain i can let go and welcome that change into my existence.
so it is back down into the rabbit hole for another day of AI fun. life is good today and this little break from my current routine, is a nice respite and will be over by the end of today.i can let go and allow myself to return to what needs to be done, rather than creating fantasies. so it is off the the drawing board. 😁
it took me a very long minute, to understand that having the freedom to choose anything, was a gift. when one wanders this world seeking approval from others and “playing to the crowd,” one is in the jail of their own ego and self-will. i truly believed for the longest time in my recovery, that would always be who i was and i would never change. when i was freed from the lie that ruled my life for so long, i finally started on the path towards real freedom, not just from active addiction, but self-obsession and what i believed others were thinking about me. coming to this place after a few days of clean time, feels weird, unusual and more than a bit uncomfortable. as i walk into the next phase of my life, i will make the choices that align with my values, my perspectives and my life as it is today. if change is called for, well there will be a bit of wailing and gnashing of my teeth, but in the long run, i am certain i can let go and welcome that change into my existence.
so it is back down into the rabbit hole for another day of AI fun. life is good today and this little break from my current routine, is a nice respite and will be over by the end of today.i can let go and allow myself to return to what needs to be done, rather than creating fantasies. so it is off the the drawing board. 😁
∞ DT ∞