Some memes

my powerlessness over addiction, the possibility of new, stable, productive patterns of behavior became a real possibility. it is a wonderment to me, how i can be clean for so long, and yet still slip into obsessive and compulsive behaviors that may or may not foster my growth. i have a daily routine of framing my day with recovery, which means the admission of what i am and asking for the power to stay clean today. i walk through my day, doing my best to pay attention to what is happening around me, especially how others are responding to my words and deeds. eve as vigilant as i am, as i walk through my day, there is still some shit i see at the end of my day, when i look back at what happened, how i felt and how i responded or heaven forbid, reacted.
most days, it is not that bad and it is easy to see what i can improve and allow myself the freedom to give myself credit for what i did correctly, when in the past, i would not have quite gone there. that is all well and good, but my obsession of creating the perfect image for my AI project has taken over my life and i NEED to find the ways and means to let it go or at least taper it back to some limit, say no longer than two hours. i guess that is the trick when one is retired, filling the hours productively without getting sucked into a single, obsessive activity. well i am learning and over the weekend, i have enough other stuff to fill my hours, so perhaps i can be done for now, just for today.

∞ DT ∞