ฮด the beautiful irony of recovery is that, in my surrender, ฮด
Posted: Mon, Sep 11, 2006 07:35:45 AM
i found the flexibility i had lost in my addiction, the very lack of which had defeated me.
can i bend with the gales that life sometimes sends me? well much better than when i was using on a daily basis, much better than when i was using only on a monthly basis and much better than when i first made the decision to recover. does that mean i bend like the willow all of time, allowing those gales to pass over me with a minimum of damage? not quite, however, the breezes and gusts that are part of living life are no longer so damaging to me. i can take disappointment with the outcome of plans so carefully crafted and nursed to fruition with a minimum of pouting, and i certainly do not have to use over that little disappointment in the bigger picture of life the universe and everything, my plans, dreams and goals, are but a small portion. true, to me, they are very important and loom much larger than maybe they need to, but i am a recovering addict who has one or three teensy-tiny control issues that i have yet to surrender.
one of the gifts of recovery i have received is that i am no longer the fragile little boy i was, wanting to cry over every single disappointment that life serves, but acting-out in rage and other destructive ways, not the least of which was to use mass quantities of mind and mood altering substances to cover the pain i was really feeling.
what i hear today that gales, gusts and breezes are all a matter of relativity and perception. what i once felt as a gale is the breeze of change and what i perceive as a gale today may become just another gust in days yet to come, if i continue to do the work before and surrender to the healing process of recovery. and that is the surrender i am working on today, just ‘cuz it seems like the next right thing to do!
can i bend with the gales that life sometimes sends me? well much better than when i was using on a daily basis, much better than when i was using only on a monthly basis and much better than when i first made the decision to recover. does that mean i bend like the willow all of time, allowing those gales to pass over me with a minimum of damage? not quite, however, the breezes and gusts that are part of living life are no longer so damaging to me. i can take disappointment with the outcome of plans so carefully crafted and nursed to fruition with a minimum of pouting, and i certainly do not have to use over that little disappointment in the bigger picture of life the universe and everything, my plans, dreams and goals, are but a small portion. true, to me, they are very important and loom much larger than maybe they need to, but i am a recovering addict who has one or three teensy-tiny control issues that i have yet to surrender.
one of the gifts of recovery i have received is that i am no longer the fragile little boy i was, wanting to cry over every single disappointment that life serves, but acting-out in rage and other destructive ways, not the least of which was to use mass quantities of mind and mood altering substances to cover the pain i was really feeling.
what i hear today that gales, gusts and breezes are all a matter of relativity and perception. what i once felt as a gale is the breeze of change and what i perceive as a gale today may become just another gust in days yet to come, if i continue to do the work before and surrender to the healing process of recovery. and that is the surrender i am working on today, just ‘cuz it seems like the next right thing to do!
∞ DT ∞