๐ where addiction ๐
Posted: Fri, Jan 16, 2026 11:55:42 AM
limits me and makes my world smaller, recovery opens me up to the world. i was going with the past tense here as i started this exercise but decided that might imply that somehow addiction is no longer a part of my life. being clean for as long as i have, it often feels at times that i am not an addict. after all, i do not have cravings, i no desire to use and i happen to like the life i have built with recovery as my foundation. while all of that is certainly true, what is also true, is that addiction is not about the substances for me anymore, that ship sailed a long time ago. i do, however, still lapse into all sorts of less than stellar behaviors to address one self-centered need or another. what is call my double secret probation list of expectations plays right into the part of me i call addiction and allows me the opportunity to present evidence in my internal court that this recovery gig is not paying off.
the truth is that recovery is paying off and the days i spend playing with AI are driving my creative passion. no one may ever see my work, but i have fun exercising my imagination and finding the ways and means to bend AI to my wishes. it is a learning curve and i am only part way up that curve. as i have found my desire to live better for lonf0ger, that too, is something i am passionate about. i am not quite ready to give up coffee, ice cream or cigars, but i am willing to bump up my physical activity so next hiking season, i will be ready to roll and when the Bolder Boulder rolls around i will be ready to get a personal best time. or at least those my goals as i live my passion to be more fit.
i can say that since i have come to recovery and learned to live a program of active recovery, i do see more of the world, allow more opinions and people into my life and even do stuff that i always believed was way beyond me, such as work in retail. i can also say that climbing mountains, traveling to all sorts of places outside of my sphere and finding contentment in doing “nothing” are certainly new and different for me as well. so i have to ease my way into my work day, it is time to post this and be grateful that i still have a passion for writing this every day, even when i do not feel like it.
the truth is that recovery is paying off and the days i spend playing with AI are driving my creative passion. no one may ever see my work, but i have fun exercising my imagination and finding the ways and means to bend AI to my wishes. it is a learning curve and i am only part way up that curve. as i have found my desire to live better for lonf0ger, that too, is something i am passionate about. i am not quite ready to give up coffee, ice cream or cigars, but i am willing to bump up my physical activity so next hiking season, i will be ready to roll and when the Bolder Boulder rolls around i will be ready to get a personal best time. or at least those my goals as i live my passion to be more fit.
i can say that since i have come to recovery and learned to live a program of active recovery, i do see more of the world, allow more opinions and people into my life and even do stuff that i always believed was way beyond me, such as work in retail. i can also say that climbing mountains, traveling to all sorts of places outside of my sphere and finding contentment in doing “nothing” are certainly new and different for me as well. so i have to ease my way into my work day, it is time to post this and be grateful that i still have a passion for writing this every day, even when i do not feel like it.
∞ DT ∞