Some memes

on life is way more expansive. it is quite true that in active addiction my life had a very narrow focus: getting and using and finding the ways and means to get more. the amount of time and energy i put into that way of living staggers me when i look back at it from this vantage point. in my mere abstinence phase, there was not a whole lot more to my life as i was doing my best to white-knuckle my way through to getting off paper. i may not have been focused on getting and using, but i certainly too a deep dive into all sorts of different ways and means to feed the part of me i call addiction. sure i was complying, but i certainly was not getting any better. in early recovery my abject fear of relapse and the consequences for me consumed me and kept me on the straight and narrow. it was not until i had more than a year into actual recovery, before i stopped and took a minute to begin to see the world around me and what it had to offer me.
these days, i may not understand everything, but at least i am open to ideas that may seem foreign or new to me. i am also doing my best to keep myself from being an intellectual bully, even when the opportunity presents itself, as there are many folks in my life that could use a bit of “education.” one of those, of course is me. i am not sure why i felt less than yesterday and had to judge myself superior to some of those around me. i was very harsh and could list the litany of their sins, without any difficulty. whatever it was that was going on inside, a meeting and a short nap took care of that.
i do have to get moving into work this morning and just for today, i GET to work, not that i HAVE to work, i have decided to put all my eggs in this basket and closed out my gig job that i only did one time. i am ready to move into this Friday and i can remember that when i open up to new ideas, even if they seem like they do not make sense, i can be come a fuller, better rounded person. BTW flat-earthers need not apply!

∞ DT ∞