Some memes

be where they are and focus on what i can change about myself. the last twenty-four hours has changed how i view my workplace. nothing big happened within that workplace, but one of my teammates was injured when her house exploded and caught fire and her return date to work is very uncertain, as she was severely burned. all of a sudden, i now will have a closer to full-time job than i ever desired. as bad as that sounds, perhaps, i am looking at it in the wrong way, after all, i am not the one with months of pain, skin grafts and rehab ahead of me. what i felt as i woke up far too early this morning was a sense of being entitled to keep my current work schedule and let everyone else work more hours. what i felt when i got up and nuked my oatmeal was a sense of understanding that i can and will be able to pick up the slack i need to, to be a part of this team. it means two extra early mornings this week and two close-open shifts, the fiorst being this morning, hence the early rise. as i relax and let go of what is beyond my power, i see that tolerating the world around me, means more than just saying that i do. to the best of my knowledge she did not bring this upon herself and for me to be all hot and bothered by someone else's misfortune because now i am inconvenienced is more than a little petty and i am sure a quick walk around the neighborhood will rid me of that less than stellar feeling. living in my selfish self-centered world is not where i choose to be.
i certainly came to the rooms and truly intolerant and overly judgemental person. it was part of the story i told myself about being safe. remaining aloof through a shell of judgement kept others away form me and that distance could and would protect me. it took a very long minute until i had built up enough self-acceptance to allow others in and allow myself to be a part of the lives of others. that transformation, even as slow as it was, started by me learning how to tolerate others, exactly as they were in that moment. for me, tolerance was the only stepping stone i had into acceptance. i had to learn how to tolerate others, the world in general, my real-time situation and myself, before i could accept any of that. that progression still exists today. what i find intolerable, such as a white Christian supremacy, is not something i can change. as powerless over that whole social trend as i may be, i have to tolerate that it exists, and that those who are in the thrall of it, have their reasons to be there. i may find their views reprehensible and contrary to what i think, but i have to come to accept, that is where they are. more than a few of mu customers fall into or close to that mindset and it is not my place to correct them. my place is to give them kindness, courtesy and tolerance without attitude. just for today, i can walk the path towards acceptance through tolerating what i judge to be less than.

∞ DT ∞