Some memes

i heard members share that their lives had become bigger, amazing, and beyond their wildest dreams. skeptical could hardly describe what i thought about those claims. how could people like me, addicts, who felt like i did and used on a daily basis ever have lives that like that? as i stayed clean and allowed the recovery process to take hold, there was a tiny bit of HOPE, that my life could get better, even though my doubts that it would, still ruled. i worked steps, i kept coming back, some lost dreams came back to life and as the days accumulated i began to see a few glimmers of a life i never thought was possible for me. cynicism and denial kept me from acknowledging as well as a very strong superstition that if i said anything about what i was getting it would be stripped away. nevertheless, i progressed and am still clean today.
today as i look at my life, i can say all of those things. where i once believed that i would choose to use the rest of my life, long before i would admit i was an addict of any sort, i now enjoy a full range of human emotions and the ability to respond to them rather than react. more to the point, i like myself, even if i treat myself like shit, because i believe i am not worthy of being kind to me. i have been places and done things that i would have never done in active addiction. most importantly, i can show my true self as i walk through my day, whatever that self just may be. yes i serve the fellowship and i serve my family, my customers, my friend and my family. i serve because i want to, not because i have to. that is what drives me forward in my recovery, just for today.

∞ DT ∞