Blog entry for:
Mon, Jan 15, 2007 09:16:39 AM
∞ when i lapse in my program, i begin to take control of my own life again, ∞
posted: Mon, Jan 15, 2007 09:16:39 AM
refusing the care of the HIGHER POWER of my understanding.
so here is sit doing a quick cigar and dealing with the results of self-will, once again. well not really, what i am dealing with today is the FEAR of surrendering my will and my life into the care of that HIGHER POWER. a slight lapse, and one that is recoverable, but it has been a pattern in my daily inventories that i have not been working, much less living a third step on a daily basis. so the reading today was a quick dip into the freezing pool of reality. so after pulling myself panting from the freezing dose i see what is really going on. yes i ran from a meeting last night because of the lies i was telling myself about the current state of my spiritual condition. and lies they were, what was really happening was what i am writing about this morning, FEAR! why am i afraid of surrendering my will and my life into that care? well it certainly is not lack of evidence of results, the evidence when i give it up, things go much better than when i take control. what is going on is the misinterpretation of that evidence, some how i got the notion that it is my will that is producing such stunning results. the truth of the matter is that i have very little to do with that, it is not my will, but rather my willingness and open-mindedness that is producing those results via a POWER MUCH GREATER THAN ME!
and with the revelation of that little fact, my path is clear -- let go, do what is in front of me today, and allow my HIGHER POWER to do what it needs to do -- fix the results of my self-will.
can i do that today? well i will do my level best to let go fo my will and my life and see what happens!
life is after all way too short to be fucking it up when i have an easier simpler way to go.
so here is sit doing a quick cigar and dealing with the results of self-will, once again. well not really, what i am dealing with today is the FEAR of surrendering my will and my life into the care of that HIGHER POWER. a slight lapse, and one that is recoverable, but it has been a pattern in my daily inventories that i have not been working, much less living a third step on a daily basis. so the reading today was a quick dip into the freezing pool of reality. so after pulling myself panting from the freezing dose i see what is really going on. yes i ran from a meeting last night because of the lies i was telling myself about the current state of my spiritual condition. and lies they were, what was really happening was what i am writing about this morning, FEAR! why am i afraid of surrendering my will and my life into that care? well it certainly is not lack of evidence of results, the evidence when i give it up, things go much better than when i take control. what is going on is the misinterpretation of that evidence, some how i got the notion that it is my will that is producing such stunning results. the truth of the matter is that i have very little to do with that, it is not my will, but rather my willingness and open-mindedness that is producing those results via a POWER MUCH GREATER THAN ME!
and with the revelation of that little fact, my path is clear -- let go, do what is in front of me today, and allow my HIGHER POWER to do what it needs to do -- fix the results of my self-will.
can i do that today? well i will do my level best to let go fo my will and my life and see what happens!
life is after all way too short to be fucking it up when i have an easier simpler way to go.
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
↔ overcoming my fear of life ↔ 384 words ➥ Saturday, January 15, 2005 by: donnot∞ when i feel afraid, i ask myself, ** is this fear an indication of a lack of faith in my life? … 555 words ➥ Tuesday, January 15, 2008 by: donnot
δ through working the Twelve Steps, i have found that faith in a POWER greater than myself helps relieve my fear. δ 413 words ➥ Thursday, January 15, 2009 by: donnot
∫ living on self-will is frightening, unmanageable ∫ 423 words ➥ Friday, January 15, 2010 by: donnot
¤ as i have grown to feel comfortable with a HIGHER POWER as a source of strength, ¤ 724 words ➥ Saturday, January 15, 2011 by: donnot
… i will rely on the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery … 656 words ➥ Sunday, January 15, 2012 by: donnot
⊕ when i lapse in my program, i begin to take control ⊕ 554 words ➥ Tuesday, January 15, 2013 by: donnot
ξ in recovery, i turn my will and my life safely over ξ 655 words ➥ Wednesday, January 15, 2014 by: donnot
¿ is FEAR an indication … 515 words ➥ Thursday, January 15, 2015 by: donnot
✦ FEAR ✧ 546 words ➥ Friday, January 15, 2016 by: donnot
❢ growing to feel ❢ 762 words ➥ Sunday, January 15, 2017 by: donnot
🌮 learning to overcome 🌭 678 words ➥ Monday, January 15, 2018 by: donnot
🌋 self-will is a 🌄 637 words ➥ Tuesday, January 15, 2019 by: donnot
😨 overcoming my fear 😬 426 words ➥ Wednesday, January 15, 2020 by: donnot
😕 overwhelmed 😟 619 words ➥ Friday, January 15, 2021 by: donnot
😇 living on 😈 463 words ➥ Saturday, January 15, 2022 by: donnot
🤔 an indication 🤔 589 words ➥ Sunday, January 15, 2023 by: donnot
≠ practicing equality ≠ 383 words ➥ Monday, January 15, 2024 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 2
1) The government that seems the most unwise,
Oft goodness to the people best supplies;
That which is meddling, touching everything,
Will work but ill, and disappointment bring. Misery!--happiness is
to be found by its side! Happiness!--misery lurks beneath it! Who
knows what either will come to in the end?