Blog entry for:

i need to stop using it and learn instead to use the new tools i find in the program.
so yesterday was about having personal power and today about learning to substitute the tools of recovery for self-pity. but i hear myself scream, i like to use to use self-pity for all kinds of diversions from the task at hand, learning how to live life on life’s terms! that may be true, and this is one of my least favorite methods of not accepting responsibility. it would be wonderful to say that the need to generate pity for myself has been removed across the course of my recovery, it has been greatly diminished, in fact most of the time i do not even use it, HOWEVER there are times when i just feel overwhelmed and unable to cope with what is on my plate right here and right now. i want to encase myself in a comfortable cocoon of denial and bliss, and using is not the answer, so out pops a bout of the poor, poor pitiful me. when this happens, and i am lucky enough or vigilant to discover that it is happening there are some tools i can use to face what i need to face and move forward. i will not get into the number of ways and means to combat the part of me i call my disease when self-pity seems to be the answer, BUT the one that works the best for me is to call another addict and check-in. that little bit of a reality check reminds me that whatever is happening right here and right now outside of me, is the natural consequence of the choices i have made, and although i am loath to admit that i make choices that are not in alignment with my values (another character defect), i do understand that life is just life and all i can do is do my best to take care of what needs to be taken care of and move back into the warm glow of recovery.
so what is really going on with me today? well i am a bit overwhelmed with what i need to accomplish over the next seven days, the choice to move was made in accordance with my dreams and goals, so i can either accept the tasks at hand or i can wallow in the shitty blanket of self-pity. the choice is up to me, thanks to the tools i have been given across the days i have been clean and in recovery!

∞ DT ∞