ฮด my state of readiness grows in direct proportion to my awareness of my defects and the destruction they cause. ฮด
Posted: Thu, May 10, 2007 08:52:21 AM
as i let go of my shortcomings and find their influence waning, i notice that a loving God replaces those defects with quality attributes.
so what am i waiting for, a thunderbolt or something? i really do not know what is keeping from moving forward in this step other than fear, doubt and uncertainty. yes i purposely replaced FUD with FDU that is who i am this morning and that is bit perverse and rebellious. after spending the last twenty-four hours getting a computer up to the running so that i can work, i am tired and frustrated. dealing with customer service made things no easier , so here i sit smoking a cigar and writing my blog after working for four hours already today, wondering whether i am really ready to have my shortcomings replaced by the "quality" attributes mentioned in the reading. some days i enjoy being judgmental and intolerant,you know that old black magic still weaves its spell, that old black magic that i know so well. ;)
so what has my experience been with this step. well for one it really was a good one for me, i learned a bit of balance between self-flagellation and humility the last time i worked through step six. i got to see what my life would be like without some of the defects i consider especially heinous. then of course there is this reading to remind me that i have a task at hand and it is not balking and stalling on my step work. what kind of commitment can i make today? well i can consider doing a bit of step work and see where it leads, we will see!
so what am i waiting for, a thunderbolt or something? i really do not know what is keeping from moving forward in this step other than fear, doubt and uncertainty. yes i purposely replaced FUD with FDU that is who i am this morning and that is bit perverse and rebellious. after spending the last twenty-four hours getting a computer up to the running so that i can work, i am tired and frustrated. dealing with customer service made things no easier , so here i sit smoking a cigar and writing my blog after working for four hours already today, wondering whether i am really ready to have my shortcomings replaced by the "quality" attributes mentioned in the reading. some days i enjoy being judgmental and intolerant,you know that old black magic still weaves its spell, that old black magic that i know so well. ;)
so what has my experience been with this step. well for one it really was a good one for me, i learned a bit of balance between self-flagellation and humility the last time i worked through step six. i got to see what my life would be like without some of the defects i consider especially heinous. then of course there is this reading to remind me that i have a task at hand and it is not balking and stalling on my step work. what kind of commitment can i make today? well i can consider doing a bit of step work and see where it leads, we will see!
∞ DT ∞