โ i do not stop being an addict after i have been clean awhile. โ
Posted: Mon, May 21, 2007 08:39:12 AM
every meeting offers me the experience and example of other addicts in ongoing recovery.
so what up today? i feel like i have been going for days already. not that the day has been so stressful, just busy. i have already been to jail, the bank, and now am sitting waiting to have my bad tire replaced. whew! the sixth step process is ongoing, and i actually called my sponsor last night and got a suggestion on how to make it a little less painful, which i believe i will try out without rebellion or delay. so that process is continuing, and when i flipped open my morning meditation book, here is one of those readings that remind me why i NEED to continue going to meetings.
yes, somewhere not to far back in my mind is the notion that perhaps i can be cured. i would never say that out loud, but it is a notion that surfaces from time to time. that is why going to meetings is important for me. i NEED to reminded of a couple of things, the first being the pain of getting clean. lately that theme has been resurfacing again and again. for me, the process of getting clean sucked beyond all description. honestly had i not been involved in the justice system, i would have never made it. so it is important for me to remember what the whole getting clean process means for this addict. the endless parade of newcomers that attend the meetings i go to are a good reminder that i cannot ever forget what those days were like, and seeing what they happen to be going through, helps me to keep that notion fresh in my head.
the second idea that meeting attendance helps reinforce in my pea-sized brain, is that no matter what little curve balls life happens to throw at me, staying clean is the only path to an ever improving life. no it is not a reward for staying clean, i choose to look at it as a gift of maintaining my recovery by staying clean. meetings show me the path that others have taken and i get to see what my life can be, if i choose to continue to follow in their example.
so what is the plan for me today, well for one take care of the backlog of work that has developed over the past week, get started on my garden and perhaps go to a meeting i usually do not attend. so we will see what i do get accomplished.
so what up today? i feel like i have been going for days already. not that the day has been so stressful, just busy. i have already been to jail, the bank, and now am sitting waiting to have my bad tire replaced. whew! the sixth step process is ongoing, and i actually called my sponsor last night and got a suggestion on how to make it a little less painful, which i believe i will try out without rebellion or delay. so that process is continuing, and when i flipped open my morning meditation book, here is one of those readings that remind me why i NEED to continue going to meetings.
yes, somewhere not to far back in my mind is the notion that perhaps i can be cured. i would never say that out loud, but it is a notion that surfaces from time to time. that is why going to meetings is important for me. i NEED to reminded of a couple of things, the first being the pain of getting clean. lately that theme has been resurfacing again and again. for me, the process of getting clean sucked beyond all description. honestly had i not been involved in the justice system, i would have never made it. so it is important for me to remember what the whole getting clean process means for this addict. the endless parade of newcomers that attend the meetings i go to are a good reminder that i cannot ever forget what those days were like, and seeing what they happen to be going through, helps me to keep that notion fresh in my head.
the second idea that meeting attendance helps reinforce in my pea-sized brain, is that no matter what little curve balls life happens to throw at me, staying clean is the only path to an ever improving life. no it is not a reward for staying clean, i choose to look at it as a gift of maintaining my recovery by staying clean. meetings show me the path that others have taken and i get to see what my life can be, if i choose to continue to follow in their example.
so what is the plan for me today, well for one take care of the backlog of work that has developed over the past week, get started on my garden and perhaps go to a meeting i usually do not attend. so we will see what i do get accomplished.
∞ DT ∞