δ i can live life just as fully as Δ
Posted: Sun, May 20, 2007 07:45:57 AM
the **normal** people i once scorned. enjoyment has returned to my life, a gift of recovery.
so how am i feeling today, well two new defects to add to my list, so the process is working, i guess. what the reading talks about is one of those defects in particular, pushing people away for any reason. even to this day, i am hardly what you consider a warm creature before you get to know me, and have been called among many things ‘aloof.’ that illusion of wanting to be separate was carefully nurtured and crafted over the course of many years, starting before i had even used the first time. at that tender age i had already discovered that life alone and lonely was better most of the time than a life of pain inflicted by those whom i let in. when i started using the rationale for isolating became even stronger, and as i was already schooled in that behavior it did not take much for it to blossom into a self-sustaining, self-fulfilling prophecy.
well today, i need to isolate no longer, i can form attachments, i can let others in and i can accept the consequences of that behavior, the possibility that i may get hurt. but even with that possibility i want to be oppart of the world and not apart from it anymore. so off to service and into the real world.
so how am i feeling today, well two new defects to add to my list, so the process is working, i guess. what the reading talks about is one of those defects in particular, pushing people away for any reason. even to this day, i am hardly what you consider a warm creature before you get to know me, and have been called among many things ‘aloof.’ that illusion of wanting to be separate was carefully nurtured and crafted over the course of many years, starting before i had even used the first time. at that tender age i had already discovered that life alone and lonely was better most of the time than a life of pain inflicted by those whom i let in. when i started using the rationale for isolating became even stronger, and as i was already schooled in that behavior it did not take much for it to blossom into a self-sustaining, self-fulfilling prophecy.
well today, i need to isolate no longer, i can form attachments, i can let others in and i can accept the consequences of that behavior, the possibility that i may get hurt. but even with that possibility i want to be oppart of the world and not apart from it anymore. so off to service and into the real world.
∞ DT ∞