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it takes courage to step out into the unknown. how do i find that courage?
well for one thing i look at those around me to see what is working and what is not.
but before i launch into this topics, i need to say some things first.
i am so glad to be home and back in the comfort and safety of the web of support i have been given since getting clean. do not get me wrong, my trip to Honduras was one of the best experiences of my life, and without a doubt will be a life-changing experience. the very fact that i could not be reached by cell phone, e-mail or even smoke signals, allowed me a chance to relax that i have lacked for quite some time. yes i will have to work non-stop over the next few days to get my business rolling again, however i accepted that consequence without reservations.
in fact, that experience gives me a bit of material to launch into the topic at hand. while it is true that positive examples of how change works in recovering members is one way to look at this whole courage to change coin, the negative example is often a more powerful impetus for me. and yes, on my little excursion to the third or so world allowed me the opportunity to interact with a member of another fellowship who has been recovering for fifteen or more years. at least that is what he will tell you. i understand that clean time doe not equal recovery, and here was one of the examples for me of what i do not want to turn into. i will not take his inventory here and now, i have already done that little exercise repeatedly over the past five days. no what i need to do now, is to find the courage to face my fear and continue with the little assignment i need to complete to move into my seventh step. the assignment in and of itself, is not particularly difficult, except that it goes to the heart of one of my greatest fears. probably the singlemost controlling fear of my entire self. so the path before is clear, at least in this instance, move forward or stagnate into a person i do not want to be. quite a choice to make and one that i am happy to make today -- that is find it within myself to do a bit more of my assignment and let the chips fall as they will. after all, i do want to be more than a clean horse thief!

∞ DT ∞