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looking at the course of change over my brief recovery, i find that the longer it takes me to surrender to the fact that something needs to change the more painful it is.
what exactly does that have with accepting courage? my resistance to change is fear-based. fear of the unknown, fear of the consequences, fear that i will not like the results and fear of pain. true courage is not the lack of fear, that is idiocy! courage is facing my fears and walking through them to the other side. i know this has been said elsewhere and probably with more eloquently by others, but when i get right down to it, in plain terms i need to accept that without change i would be still living in active addiction. i would still be causing chaos by hurting myself and others with total disregard of the consequences of my actions. and most of all without change, i will not grow into who i can be.
yes change involves a risk or two. and yes change is not always comfortable, but GOD provides the courage i need to allow change to happen. my job is to honor and respect that gift, embrace it and allow myself to change into whoever i will be. does that remove the fear? not hardly, but remembering that i have a HIGHER POWER, friends and peers in recovery and the shared experience of those who have walked this road before gives me just enough FAITH to step off the brink and accept the courage that is being offered.
∞ DT ∞