Blog entry for:

to build and grow and share along with everyone else. when i need support to take my next step, it is there. i went way past the unconditional love and no rejection part of the reading and jumped directly to the freedom and support part of the reading. yes this is one of those readings that seem to paint the fellowship with the broad brush of how loving, caring and supporting is is. well i am only human, and am hardly warm, caring and supportive, not to mention full of unconditional love twenty-four seven.
what i got when i came to the program was a chance to become more than i was. i get so freaking tired of people coming in and expecting everyone in the fellowship to support whatever needs they happen to believe they have and then saying,"the newcomer is the most important person in the meeting."
they conveniently leave off the everything after the comma namely BECAUSE WE CAN ONLY KEEP WHAT WE HAVE BY GIVING IT AWAY! in fact i have been hearing more and more of this whining lately, from people who have yet to have anything more than a desire.
but enough rant, i have already vented this particular pet peeve at a meeting, and i am sure it missed its mark, because those that are the whiners are the most…
what i got and am willing to freely give away was the gift of recovery. the chance to find a new manner in which to live, and the simple suggestions on how to start the implementation of that process. i did feel unconditional love, but i was not kicked-out either. whether or not i was ready to be loved is always the question, i was not looking for love, i was seeking acceptance, that i found in abundance. i was not even seeking a way to stop using, all i was looking for was a way to use successfully, and that i did not find. should i be more supportive of our newer members financially and materially? i say no. the sooner they learn to stand up and be a part of the real world, the better. and the greatest gift of all was the FREEDOM to become more than i ever was.
on the whole the fellowship was unconditionally loving and accepting of me, although i had and still do have problems with individual members. that is part of being human, and probably part of being an addict, although i am less likely these days to blame my behaviors solely on the part of me i call my disease as Popeye has so succinctly put it,"i yam who i yam."
so back to the topic i chose this morning, i celebrate my freedom these days, and am more than willing to give anyone who desires it, the same chance and opportunity that was given to me, that is after all, all iam willing to offer today, life is about learning how to support myself and become a productive member of society and that is what i think i will become.

∞ DT ∞