โ in active addiction i was trapped in a downward spiral of obsession and compulsion. โ
Posted: Mon, Jan 4, 2010 08:36:34 AM
in recovery, that journey has been cut short by the love of the fellowship. this morning as i sit here considering my day ahead, and what i am hearing from the world around me, i am struck by the profound nature of this particular passage. although i was oblivious to what was happening, the downward spiral that was the journey of active addiction can be a part of my recovery journey as well. it is only when i am in active recovery, is the direction of that journey downward abated.
i use the term ‘active recovery’ a lot, and i do not know if i coined it or not, but i have never really defined it. i have spoken around what i think it is, i have spoken of the effects on my life when i choose to leave it behind, and i have spoken about what happens when i practice it. perhaps it is time for me to nail this tern down once and for all, or at least for me. active recovery, quite simply put is living the program as it is written, taking each and every spiritual principle out of the theoretical realm and implementing it to the best of my ability in the here and now. active recovery means being present for what is going on inside of me ad well as what is going on in those with whom i share my life and my journey through recovery. no not like some sort of psychic reader, more like someone looking for the clues as to how others are acting and reacting to my behaviors. to me, active recovery is living the steps in real time. that means i accept my addiction, i accept that i will never be cured, and i accept that i NEED to do something to keep addiction at bay. that SOMETHING is to use the preventive and maintenance parts of the 12 Steps in real-time instead of alluding to them as concepts that i may one day arrive at. active recovery is looking for and doing the next right thing based on the information i have gathered while being present in my life, and augmenting that information with the intuitive knowledge provided through my connection to the divine. quite a path to follow, n’est-ce pas? and one that is difficult to follow perfectly, so the final piece? to forgive myself when i fail to live up to these expectations and do my best to correct what is in my power to correct, accept what is not and allow a Higher Power to do the work that needs to be done.
so after all of that where does this fit into the message i heard in the reading this morning? it is because of the love i received when i arrived in recovery, and the love i continue to get as i walk this path of recovery, that makes the desire to live a program of active recovery possible. had i realized what i was getting into four thousand five hundred days ago, i might have backed off and accepted a prison sentence instead. quite honestly going away for up to three years all those days ago would have been the easier softer way. the consequences of arriving at and walking through the doors of recovery were beyond my ken back then, and as they have been revealed i felt to deeply involved to back out. i caught myself in the trap of recovery, and i am grateful that i was ignorant of what would be required of me, as had i the knowledge i would have never walked forward and the downward spiral that i was on, would have ended up at its fatal, final destination. it is only because of the members here loved me enough to guide me to and through the steps that i can sit here today, in my own warm and comfortable home and write about recovery in the theory and well as in reality. looking back on my journey and playing the ‘what if’ game, while fun, is hardly productive. it is because of that love i have the desire to be more than i was yesterday, and so as i repay that debt, by living my life to the fullest, i think the time has come to suit up and hit the streets, it is after all a good day to be alive.
i use the term ‘active recovery’ a lot, and i do not know if i coined it or not, but i have never really defined it. i have spoken around what i think it is, i have spoken of the effects on my life when i choose to leave it behind, and i have spoken about what happens when i practice it. perhaps it is time for me to nail this tern down once and for all, or at least for me. active recovery, quite simply put is living the program as it is written, taking each and every spiritual principle out of the theoretical realm and implementing it to the best of my ability in the here and now. active recovery means being present for what is going on inside of me ad well as what is going on in those with whom i share my life and my journey through recovery. no not like some sort of psychic reader, more like someone looking for the clues as to how others are acting and reacting to my behaviors. to me, active recovery is living the steps in real time. that means i accept my addiction, i accept that i will never be cured, and i accept that i NEED to do something to keep addiction at bay. that SOMETHING is to use the preventive and maintenance parts of the 12 Steps in real-time instead of alluding to them as concepts that i may one day arrive at. active recovery is looking for and doing the next right thing based on the information i have gathered while being present in my life, and augmenting that information with the intuitive knowledge provided through my connection to the divine. quite a path to follow, n’est-ce pas? and one that is difficult to follow perfectly, so the final piece? to forgive myself when i fail to live up to these expectations and do my best to correct what is in my power to correct, accept what is not and allow a Higher Power to do the work that needs to be done.
so after all of that where does this fit into the message i heard in the reading this morning? it is because of the love i received when i arrived in recovery, and the love i continue to get as i walk this path of recovery, that makes the desire to live a program of active recovery possible. had i realized what i was getting into four thousand five hundred days ago, i might have backed off and accepted a prison sentence instead. quite honestly going away for up to three years all those days ago would have been the easier softer way. the consequences of arriving at and walking through the doors of recovery were beyond my ken back then, and as they have been revealed i felt to deeply involved to back out. i caught myself in the trap of recovery, and i am grateful that i was ignorant of what would be required of me, as had i the knowledge i would have never walked forward and the downward spiral that i was on, would have ended up at its fatal, final destination. it is only because of the members here loved me enough to guide me to and through the steps that i can sit here today, in my own warm and comfortable home and write about recovery in the theory and well as in reality. looking back on my journey and playing the ‘what if’ game, while fun, is hardly productive. it is because of that love i have the desire to be more than i was yesterday, and so as i repay that debt, by living my life to the fullest, i think the time has come to suit up and hit the streets, it is after all a good day to be alive.
∞ DT ∞