↔ the most complicated part of taking a regular inventory is deciding ↔
Posted: Fri, Jan 18, 2008 12:36:24 PM
how to start. and as always, for me anyhow, deciding how to start any recovery writing seems to be the biggest issue, one fraught with excuses and manufactured options. not that i find myself being resistant to the writing process, on the contrary, i have been told to limit myself when i am doing formal step writing assignments. no what goes through my head, is that if i do not get it started, than i do not have to do it at all. why put off to tomorrow stuff that i can avoid altogether.
so getting started on anything is always a problem for me, one that seems to be reduced but not removed. due to some stuff on my sponsor’s plate, i did not get the chance to sit down with him last evening, so for another week i get to stay right where i am. i do my best not to cast a judgment on whether that fact of my life is good or bad, i try and just accept that it is. it did end up on my daily inventory last night, and more than likely will be there again tonight, as i am still thinking about as i write this missive to the denizens of the cyber-world. so as i hide out from the world and enjoy a bit of cigar smoke, i find myself going back to my current spiritual condition, and it feels somehow foreign and unfamiliar to me. not hiding out, nor pondering rather my spiritual condition. i have a sense that things are moving inside me again with tectonic force, and once again i will find myself in an unfamiliar landscape with only my recovery to guide me. and that to is probably a good thing, life is more than likely a process where nothing ever stays the same, and add recovery on top of that, and for this addict ending up in unfamiliar territory seems a given.
where is the HOPE? well for one, i have yet to regret relearning what i know about the landscape i happen to find myself in. secondly and most importantly, ending up somewhere new always had made me work harder to learn whatever i need to learn to thrive in my new circumstances. yes it is a good day to recover and one that i am happy to participate in today.
so getting started on anything is always a problem for me, one that seems to be reduced but not removed. due to some stuff on my sponsor’s plate, i did not get the chance to sit down with him last evening, so for another week i get to stay right where i am. i do my best not to cast a judgment on whether that fact of my life is good or bad, i try and just accept that it is. it did end up on my daily inventory last night, and more than likely will be there again tonight, as i am still thinking about as i write this missive to the denizens of the cyber-world. so as i hide out from the world and enjoy a bit of cigar smoke, i find myself going back to my current spiritual condition, and it feels somehow foreign and unfamiliar to me. not hiding out, nor pondering rather my spiritual condition. i have a sense that things are moving inside me again with tectonic force, and once again i will find myself in an unfamiliar landscape with only my recovery to guide me. and that to is probably a good thing, life is more than likely a process where nothing ever stays the same, and add recovery on top of that, and for this addict ending up in unfamiliar territory seems a given.
where is the HOPE? well for one, i have yet to regret relearning what i know about the landscape i happen to find myself in. secondly and most importantly, ending up somewhere new always had made me work harder to learn whatever i need to learn to thrive in my new circumstances. yes it is a good day to recover and one that i am happy to participate in today.
∞ DT ∞