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i will face good days and bad days, comfortable feelings and painful feelings. but i can experience pain, grief, sadness, anger, frustration -- all those feelings i once avoided with drugs. the sad reality of life as a human being is that i am powerless over the infinite possibilities of what life put in front of me today. i am also powerless over how i will feel in reaction to those events. there is a bit of HOPE, although i am [powerless over my feelings i do have some power about how i behave in reaction to what i feel, and to the events that happen in my life today. i know here i am talking about hope long before i have said anything about day to day living, but for me, that HOPE is all i have.
there was a time, even after i stopped using for quite a while, when i wail and gnash my teeth about the injustice that living in the real world brought me every day. i exaggerate, i actually never gnashed my teeth, but a little hyperbole is a good thing for effect, every now and again. the point is, that when i came to recovery, i was ill-equipped to suffer the slings and arrows of living in the real world. the years of active bliss that i achieved left me defenseless against dealing with my reactions to my feelings, and as a result, those days in early recovery sucked BIG TIME!
time and a bit of loving guidance from those members who were here before me, helped me to learn to cope, then to surrender, then to accept, and finally to begin to see that i do have the choice of how to behave, and how to react. honestly, i am so grateful that they were there to teach me this lesson, and that SOMETHING opened my mind up enough to allow me to learn that lesson. What was that FORCE, you ask. well that was the FORCE that got me to recovery in the first place, the POWER that keeps me clean to this day. and no i do not believe that setbacks and frustrations in my daily living are tests of FAITH,my recovery or any other nonsense, they just are and it is up to me to accept that simple fact. what fact? that i am just a human being, life will never be exactly like i want it to be every single instant of the day, so get over it! and of course that is always the trick, is it not!
so here i sit, wrapped up in thinking about what i need to get done over the course of next couple of days, losing sight of the real gift i have, a manner of living that allows me to accept what comes and see it for what it is, just life on life’s terms, nothing more, nothing less. so time to get on it and see what i can do to accomplish the stuff i want to get done today!

∞ DT ∞