Blog entry for:

by experiencing this day just as it is. do i WANT to experience today just as it is? not always, in fact, there are several days over the past 8 that i would love to change what happened, what i felt and what the consequences were for the events of those days. however, today, i accept that all that stuff happened, sh!tty or not, all of it was life on life's terms and my job is to accept it and move on. so far today, i am more than okay with what has happened, but i have only been up and at it for 90 minutes or so. nice work, approving of my life for my first 90 days, and when i think back to my using days, even those first 90 minutes were very rarely to my liking, unless i did a little sumthin', sumthin' to get myself right, which i did on most days, when i could save that one little taste for the future and sleep without it calling my name.
in early recovery, well that was even worse, waking up with the jones and having to face the world as my raw and naked spiritual self, was often too much, but i did persevere and made it through those dark, dank and miserable mornings, using lots of coffee and cigarettes as a substitute for what i really wanted to do.
so the fact that i can wake up, accomplish some work on my day off, and get out of the house by 7:30, by choice, is quite a symptom of a return to sanity, for this addict. my next move? well to shower off and actually accomplish getting out of the house. i can and will be a better person today, if i do the next right thing and part of this three day weekend will be taking care of bidness, and taking care of myself! bidness first, so off to the office i go, then to my home group, more work, a run, more work, read some pages in my book, and then to bed, quite the plan, now i can let go and allow it to unfurl.

∞ DT ∞