ฮฃ it may be difficult to watch as the insanity of someone else manifests itself. โฆ
Posted: Sat, Jan 17, 2009 10:03:29 AM
but if i detach myself from the problem, i can start living in the solution. this has been an ongoing issue for me, probably for the last four months or so. every time i think i can detach, i get hooked in again. what i am hearing this morning, it is my job to say what i need to say, then move on. this reading is particularly apt, as i am going to yet another pointless service meeting, well perhaps not pointless, but certainly without much merit, where i will once again watch as someone i care for, practices some insanity, in fact, the same insanity that they have been engaged in over the past eighteen months. i have been drawn into some insane behavior myself, as a reaction, and today i am praying for the ability to detach and engage in my own peculiar brand of insanity. so it goes.
and of course i know i am projecting events based on my previous experience, as is the nature of my current obsession. what i am trying to do now, as a part of this brain dump, is to admit my powerlessness over their behavior and take responsibility for my own. i really detest when i move into being judgmental, and as a result, i do something that allows me to change how i feel. yes i know, yet another manifestation of active addiction in my life. YARGHH!
so as i possibly come to the end of this particular ditty, i feel a bit of power flowing into me from the SOURCE of my recovery. recognizing that i am the problem, accepting that i do not have to let my buttons be pushed, and letting go of what may or may not happen, seems to be the best route for me to take this morning. life is far too short for me to give away so much of what little power i have been given.
it is a good day to be in recovery, and regardless of the events up to now, i have no desire to use, and actually i do not need to go shopping or have a huge chocolate something to change how i feel, after all, these feelings. like all others will pass, if i allow them to run their course. which i do believe i will decide to do so, right here and right now!
so off to the next task of my busy and full day.
and of course i know i am projecting events based on my previous experience, as is the nature of my current obsession. what i am trying to do now, as a part of this brain dump, is to admit my powerlessness over their behavior and take responsibility for my own. i really detest when i move into being judgmental, and as a result, i do something that allows me to change how i feel. yes i know, yet another manifestation of active addiction in my life. YARGHH!
so as i possibly come to the end of this particular ditty, i feel a bit of power flowing into me from the SOURCE of my recovery. recognizing that i am the problem, accepting that i do not have to let my buttons be pushed, and letting go of what may or may not happen, seems to be the best route for me to take this morning. life is far too short for me to give away so much of what little power i have been given.
it is a good day to be in recovery, and regardless of the events up to now, i have no desire to use, and actually i do not need to go shopping or have a huge chocolate something to change how i feel, after all, these feelings. like all others will pass, if i allow them to run their course. which i do believe i will decide to do so, right here and right now!
so off to the next task of my busy and full day.
∞ DT ∞