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because i think i know how that person should behave. But as i progress in my recovery i often find that, to accept myself, i must accept those around me.
the truth is i really do not know what is best for anyone including myself. the part of me i call my disease certainly acts on my defects of character, especially the NEED to judge, everything and everyone around me. i know making judgments is a good skill to have, after all how could i drive on the highway at any speed at all, i have to judge the ability and state of mind of the drivers with whom i share the road and alter my behavior to take those judgments into account.
so how do i separate the judgment process that protects me from the world around me from the judgment process that allows me to isolate into the world of my disease? well the reading gives me a few clues and my nearly completed fourth step fills in the rest of the blanks. separating expectations from judgments is a good way to start -- all of my current resentments derive from my expectations of the actions of others -- and my lack of the ability to forgive them for being who they are -- human beings. so of course if they cannot meet my expectations, and i cannot forgive them for not being able to, how can i ever find the ability to love and forgive myself.
although this situation sounds quite dire, it has a simple solution -- learn how to forgive others, live with a minimum of expectations for others and myself and move forward into an uncertain and seemingly random world. that of course is the ideal manner of living, and being a human and recovering addict, i can hardly expect myself to meet that ideal perfectly in any given situation or moment. so what to do? acknowledge to myself that i ave not et that ideal, forgive myself for being human and let the world spin as it will. from that course of action, forgiveness of others will naturally flow and i will be more at ease. and after all the easier, softer way is what ia m always looking for!

∞ DT ∞