Blog entry for:

Thu, Jan 17, 2013 07:44:14 AM


∈ as i realize my need to be forgiven, ∋
posted: Thu, Jan 17, 2013 07:44:14 AM

 

i tend to be more forgiving. which is a good thought to have this morning, as i sit down and repeat what i heard when i quieted me mind and listened. it was weird or ironic, that as i contemplate the damage i did, that has yet to be amended, across the course of my life, i once again hear about learning to be forgiving. for me, being forgiving has a precondition, namely letting go of my judgement and prejudgements of those i need to forgive. the biggest obstacle to me, forgiving anyone, is my opinion of them. i know that sucks and to even state something that is so obvious and yet something that everyone denies, is earthshaking for me. it goes even deeper. the more i respect someone, the less likely i am to manufacture harm they did upon me and the more forgiving i am from the get go. there are certainly all kinds of reasons for my disrespect, chief among them, are they are overtly practicing shortcomings that i really do not want to humbly ask to have removed from me. i think i like to be manipulative, controlling and judgmental, even though none of those behaviors have served me well in active recovery. i cling tightest to those part of me i have the greatest fear of being without, after all, if i am not a bully, who will stand up against those other spiritual and emotional bullies that seem to litter the halls of service? if my Machiavellian schemes are not instituted, how will i protect the fellowship i love so much from self-seekers and other manipulators? even i as write this, i see the terrible reality of how this all plays out in my mind. of course those are me peers that i have believe have harmed me, and anything i did in retaliation was justified and rationalized, so why would i ever forgive them for being oh so human? they deserve all the punishment that one can inflict upon them, so they never, ever do it again. whether that punishment is social ostracism or public flogging, really does not matter, when i am going down this track, hence any anger i still feel for the perceived harm is still justified and not a resentment.
the upshot, for me this morning, it to remember that those are my behaviors, that is my suit of armor and those battle are as spurious and illusive as the giants Don Quixote, purported to battle is his adventures. they are reality warped by imagination into an excuse to be unforgiving and even more critical of the behavior of someone else, hence myself, after all how dare they out-manipulate me?
alas, the time has come to get down the road to work. it is a good day to be clean and even a better day to practice a bit of what i most desire, love and respect for all of those who happen to be a part of my life, today.

∞ DT ∞

 

djtConsulting Brand
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.

Another Look!

↔  forgiving others -- forgiving myself  ↔ 314 words ➥ Monday, January 17, 2005 by: donnot
α the worthiness of forgiveness ω 516 words ➥ Tuesday, January 17, 2006 by: donnot
μ in my recovery, i may still have a tendency to pass judgment on the actions of others μ 391 words ➥ Wednesday, January 17, 2007 by: donnot
δ but as i progress in my recovery i often find that, to accept myself, i must accept those around me. Δ 483 words ➥ Thursday, January 17, 2008 by: donnot
Σ it may be difficult to watch as the insanity of someone else manifests itself. … 426 words ➥ Saturday, January 17, 2009 by: donnot
¬ while in active addiction, and sometimes even in recovery ¬ 484 words ➥ Sunday, January 17, 2010 by: donnot
‰ at least i know that i am no longer intentionally making life miserable for people ‰ 724 words ➥ Monday, January 17, 2011 by: donnot
♣ i will strive to forgive rather than be forgiven ♣ 594 words ➥ Tuesday, January 17, 2012 by: donnot
≈ if i detach myself from the problem ≈ 685 words ➥ Friday, January 17, 2014 by: donnot
⊆ IF i feel affected by actions of someone else, ⊇ 428 words ➥ Saturday, January 17, 2015 by: donnot
✽ forgiveness ✽ 855 words ➥ Sunday, January 17, 2016 by: donnot
❪ forgive rather ❫ 794 words ➥ Tuesday, January 17, 2017 by: donnot
😵 acting in a way 😮 651 words ➥ Wednesday, January 17, 2018 by: donnot
🌀 watching as 🌂 492 words ➥ Thursday, January 17, 2019 by: donnot
🌠 feeling worthy 🌠 496 words ➥ Friday, January 17, 2020 by: donnot
👮 as the insanity 💩 487 words ➥ Monday, January 17, 2022 by: donnot
😧 intentionally 😶 541 words ➥ Tuesday, January 17, 2023 by: donnot
🏳 surrendering to change 🏳 420 words ➥ Wednesday, January 17, 2024 by: donnot
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☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯

THE TAO TEH KING, OR THE TAO AND ITS CHARACTERISTICS
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge

Book 1

3) Heaven and Earth (under its guidance) unite together and send down
the sweet dew, which, without the directions of men, reaches equally
everywhere as of its own accord.