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if i am willing to go to any lengths, follow directions, and stay open-minded, i can stay clean. this is an excellent reading for me this morning, as i have been having lessons in open-mindedness galore lately. yes i could go on about the object lessons that have been provided by the behavior of other members, but today i really do not need go there, i have certainly more than enough examples in my own life. nor do i need to go into how unwilling i see others being to do what bit takes, as i am there also. following directions, why on Earth do i need to do that, i have been at this long enough, i must know how to do it by now.
all ogf that may be true, but there is one glaring fact that i have not accounted for, that being that i am an addict through and through,, and ALL i get is a temporary respite from from the horrors of active addiction. yes i know that sounds so grim and hopeless, but for me, such a statement is the source of HOPE. if i remember that one fact, that one, single, overarching TRUTH about me, then all can be well. because from that admission comes the source of my willingness to do what it takes to stay clean today. to actually have the desire to go to any lengths today. of course that is quite easy to say, and honestly it almost feels like an oxymoron, after all, i have been doing this for a bit of time, and that thought is the enemy of my continued recovery. when i start to think i know the TRUTH, or anything similar to that, then i am certain to be on the path to using again. it is true i see and understand more of the TRUTH than i did yesterday and certainly much more than i did when i first got clean, although back then, i would have told i KNEW the TRUTH beyond a shadow of a doubt. today what i know to be true, for sure is that i am an addict, the rest is subject to change as i acquire more information.
so anyhow, it is off to the showers and into the real world for me. it is a good day to recover and to be willing and open-minded. i go forth with that thought on my mind.

∞ DT ∞