Blog entry for:

such experiences demonstrate, in no uncertain terms, that i have tapped an experience far beyond anything i have known. so the irony this morning is that although the reading was about meditation, i was unable to settle for very long in my daily exercise of this. quieting my mind, for any length of time, does not come naturally for me. in fact, part of what i liked about getting high was everything shut down for even the briefest of instances, and i was granted freedom from thinking, however transitory. the effort i put into the daily practice of my eleventh step does hook me up with something far beyond those moments of oblivion, that using did grant me. instead of the oblivion of nothing, i feel something more, and often rise from my practice with w sense of something far beyond what i have known in the past. there were times when i was using, especially a certain substance, when i felt i had been transported beyond the mundane world and catapulted into a world far beyond my senses, but i know today that those trips were a symptom and not a valid spiritual experience. so imagine my surprise the first time i had a similar feeling in recovery. just as the reading states, i was more than a little confused about what was happening, and honestly a bit scared. at the time, i was worried that what i was feeling was an aftereffect of what i had done in the past, and perhaps it was. i choose today, to look at those experiences, extraordinary as they are, as an indication that regardless of what i have believed in the past, there is more going on here that is beyond my senses to detect. i also have started to sense that i am on a path that is taking to a destination that is unknown, that destination is becoming less important for me to figure out.
okay, enough of the mystical guru kind of stuff. although readings of this nature invite such musings, i also know that it i have to ground myself and get some work done today. yes i can live in two realms at the same time, the mundane and the spiritual. yes i can accept that the choices i make will affect how i live in the here and now. most of all i accept that it is this moment and none other that i choose to savor and respect. with that in mind, it is time to move back to the tasks at hand, after all i do need to make some bread today.

∞ DT ∞