ฮฆ i am uncovering, in no uncertain terms, ฮฆ
Posted: Sun, May 12, 2013 09:54:41 AM
that i have and continue to tap a POWER far greater than my own.
yes, i said uncovering not discovering, and what i mean by that, is as i grow in my program of recovery, i am tapping into to resources that beyond my vision, but always present. i have heard others using GOD for that POWER, as well as all sort of different terms, and today i am okay, with whatever term they wish to use. i am finally getting a bit of balance back in my life, after the chaotic past week. finally the words of my sponsor are staring to resonate within and i GET, that most of what went on last week was NOT MY STUFF! better still, that because i have feelings about other people's stuff, it means that i CARE, which was something i knew, but tried to deny to the max. where i came from, showing you cared was a sign of weakness, pretending to care was a sign of strength, as that sideshow could be turned to my advantage against any adversary, and back in the day, that is mostly what i had, adversaries and competitors. today i have friends, peers, acquaintances, lovers and family members and when i have to compete, i do so in a manner that demonstrates integrity.
thinking about the responsibilities i have taken on, and those i am dropping off, i am starting to find the serenity that i lacked on Friday afternoon. yes, i still have a desk full of stuff to do. yes, i still have a sponsee who expecting much more than i am willing to give and yes, i still am a human addict, doing my level best to stay clean today. oh yes, there are my responsibilities of home ownership starting to call as well. so before the day gets much hotter. i do believe i will get my 20 minutes of yard-work done, grab a shower and get moving on to the next right thing to do. which has yet to be determined. what i do know, is that if i allow myself to tap that POWER i will know what to do next.
yes, i said uncovering not discovering, and what i mean by that, is as i grow in my program of recovery, i am tapping into to resources that beyond my vision, but always present. i have heard others using GOD for that POWER, as well as all sort of different terms, and today i am okay, with whatever term they wish to use. i am finally getting a bit of balance back in my life, after the chaotic past week. finally the words of my sponsor are staring to resonate within and i GET, that most of what went on last week was NOT MY STUFF! better still, that because i have feelings about other people's stuff, it means that i CARE, which was something i knew, but tried to deny to the max. where i came from, showing you cared was a sign of weakness, pretending to care was a sign of strength, as that sideshow could be turned to my advantage against any adversary, and back in the day, that is mostly what i had, adversaries and competitors. today i have friends, peers, acquaintances, lovers and family members and when i have to compete, i do so in a manner that demonstrates integrity.
thinking about the responsibilities i have taken on, and those i am dropping off, i am starting to find the serenity that i lacked on Friday afternoon. yes, i still have a desk full of stuff to do. yes, i still have a sponsee who expecting much more than i am willing to give and yes, i still am a human addict, doing my level best to stay clean today. oh yes, there are my responsibilities of home ownership starting to call as well. so before the day gets much hotter. i do believe i will get my 20 minutes of yard-work done, grab a shower and get moving on to the next right thing to do. which has yet to be determined. what i do know, is that if i allow myself to tap that POWER i will know what to do next.
∞ DT ∞