Blog entry for:

things new and unfamiliar serve as challenges, whether those things appear good or bad to me. new and different, what an interesting thought to start off this day. although i hardly feel new, different or even improved this morning, i am certain that my life is all of those and more. okay so i am going off on a tangent here, and i think i will just let myself go.
so where was i, oh yeah, i was thinking about my life and how the new and unfamiliar has been and probably will continue to be a challenge for me. i am certain that i am opposed to change in my life no matter how much i whine about desiring change,. the new and unfamiliar when i was using was always a risk. oh not when it came to trying out a substance, combination of substances or delivery method, in those instances i was gung-ho and ready to roll. when there as an event, a person or a consequences that was new and unfamiliar, all that open-mindedness flew out the window and i was back to the same old place -- FEARFUL of what i did not know and had yet to understand. that behavior and reaction is still active in my life, and whether that is a trait that is part of being human, or one that is part of being an addict i do not know, nor do i care. what i want to do today, is to face the new and different as the challenge it is, and move forward through my FEAR, practicing a bit of courage.
in fact, just thinking about this and writing about this, cause me to become a bit anxious, so much so, i had to go clean out my desktop fountain, before i could continue. yes that task needed to be done, probably more that several days ago, bit i was unwilling to look at that. so when i got fearful, voilà off i went, hoping that this particular exercise would write itself and i would be done.
so it goes!
anyhow, i am at the end of what i have to say, i will move forward and see what this day brings and face whatever challenges, or better put what i perceive as challenges, head on and with all the courage i can muster. it is after all, a good day to move forward.

∞ DT ∞