๐ integrity equals ๐
Posted: Tue, May 27, 2025 06:57:45 AM
being my whole self at any given moment, no matter whose presence i am in. for some reason, i have ignored this particular line in my source material, the few times i have read it. ironically, as i was a very poor liar and a had a terrible poker face, i carefully crafted the truth to present whatever version i wanted others to believe. being a master manipulator, i became quite skilled at doing so, and in the long run, as the evidence is beginning to show, i lost who i really was in that process. i always wanted to appear, bigger, better and grander than i felt i truly was, and creative editing of the truth, was the tool i chose to do so.
as i start to live a life freed from the lie i told myself about being too broken to be visible to the world around me, i am getting the sense of self that has eluded me for all these decades. i know why my employer is letting me go, and i am grateful that they took that step, as i would have remained with them in misery. yes, there is a bit of apprehension about my job search with so many software developers in the job market, and even if i have a small cushion to rely upon, i need to be diligent i seeking a new position, including playing around with developing my python and react skills. i also need to be diligent about developing my presentation skills, as i will hopefully, get an interview or two in the near future. i want to be able to project confidence, rather than ego; wisdom rather than raw knowledge; and humility rather than a façade of someone i am not. quite a cliff for this addict to scale, coming from the dark and dank places i have been. i can and will, however, wash of the slime that still is sticking to me and be the best job-seeker i can be.
so it is off to the streets for a brisk walk, to clear the aftermath i feel from my race yesterday. i also know that in the next four weeks, i need to give my employer my best, which i have been unwilling to do, the past eight weeks. i may not get the recommendation i desire from the, but at least, i can go out on a high note, just for today.
as i start to live a life freed from the lie i told myself about being too broken to be visible to the world around me, i am getting the sense of self that has eluded me for all these decades. i know why my employer is letting me go, and i am grateful that they took that step, as i would have remained with them in misery. yes, there is a bit of apprehension about my job search with so many software developers in the job market, and even if i have a small cushion to rely upon, i need to be diligent i seeking a new position, including playing around with developing my python and react skills. i also need to be diligent about developing my presentation skills, as i will hopefully, get an interview or two in the near future. i want to be able to project confidence, rather than ego; wisdom rather than raw knowledge; and humility rather than a façade of someone i am not. quite a cliff for this addict to scale, coming from the dark and dank places i have been. i can and will, however, wash of the slime that still is sticking to me and be the best job-seeker i can be.
so it is off to the streets for a brisk walk, to clear the aftermath i feel from my race yesterday. i also know that in the next four weeks, i need to give my employer my best, which i have been unwilling to do, the past eight weeks. i may not get the recommendation i desire from the, but at least, i can go out on a high note, just for today.
∞ DT ∞