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i reflect on what will benefit my program of spiritual growth most in the coming day. what more fitting way to end the day? i also consider how well i am treading on the path to become the man i have always wanted to be, and how well i have aligned my will to that of a HIGHER POWER.
i understand the need for a personal inventory, what i recently added was taking this inventory as part of a conscious contact effort. a merging of the 10th and 11th steps, so to speak. this was something that eluded me for years on end, although i know for a fact that this reading was one that i read many times before i commenced on taking it's suggestions. the reasons for being so obtuse are many, and without a doubt i do not need to go into each and every one of them. HOWEVER, i do know that i am the sort of person who likes to have everything in neat little boxes, and although the Steps do not quite go there, i still make the attempt to do so. there is actually no reason for such slavish compliance with that particular dictate in my psyche other than it is how i have always done things. since i am resistant to change, and i am no matter how much i may say i welcome change, allowing myself to change how i do something is one way i can pretend to have some control. it was only after the suggestion of my sponsor, and more than a bit of hesitation on my part, that i changed how i do my daily inventory and actually invited communication with a HIGHER POWER into that process.
the results have been mixed, more often than not i end up taking a short nap during the process. at first that bugged the crap out of me, meditating myself into a snooze in a chair was not the activity i thought i needed just before going to bed. the more i let go of the results, the better it seemed to work, regardless of how i thought about the immediate results. after my brief nap, i can go to bed and sleep, and most importantly, i find that whatever was on my mind before i sat down, seems to have worked itself into a state that is quiet enough for me to fall asleep for reals.
this double dipping into the 11th Step has created all sorts of new paths for me to explore and has shown me a different way of living. anyhow, i am am trying my best not to get to working this morning and am finding that the old nagging conscience of mine is not allowing that to happen. so instead of avoiding what i NEED to do, i think i will go with the flow and get on to the next right thing -- getting some work done. it is a good day to be clean and as a result i am grateful for another chance to make my way through the world, at least JUST FOR TODAY.

∞ DT ∞