Some memes

brings me awareness of my gifts and limitations, and guides me to change. carrying the message seems to be a recurring theme. today it is just an entry point into living a life that is not unexamined by me. that examination takes place as part of my daily recovery routine, or as my spouse would put my daily recovery obsession. either way i more than acceptable for the description of what i do and how i start and finish my day. for me what i do to surround me day is not negotiable, why fix something that is working? meditation in the morning helps me find a center for my day, meditation in the evening helps me see where my day went and what did and did not work. i may not be a prideful sort of guy, but i do understand where my power to stay clean comes from and the source of my gift of pause.
the gift of pause is one that i am the most grateful for these days. when i entered recovery i was reactive and driven by emotion, usually anger bordering on rage. i was pissed off about almost everything and lived a life that accepted no responsibility and hid in rationalizations and blame shifting. i really did not love being reactive, but when one refuses responsibility, reactive is the only path i could see forward. because of my daily program of recovery, i can feel emotions, whether or not they are appropriate and use the gift of pause, to respond. my response? well not always the next right thing, hence the daily inventory and the real-time check, when i find the space, to change the way i am about to behave.
just for today, i will honor myself by staying true to my center and being of service to those who need me. carrying the message may not mean sharing in the rooms today, but it does mean that when i work with one of the men i sponsor, i will allow him the freedom to see what he needs to see and guide him in a direction that allows him to be more than he is today.

∞ DT ∞