↔ asking for willingness ↔
Posted: Thu, Apr 14, 2005 05:43:01 AM
imagine my life without my defects of character?? if i was a practicing catholic, i would be well on the road to sainthood! Saint Donno HMMMMMMMMMMMMM, interesting concept.
but i do not think the church will be putting my name in the beatification queue anytime soon, so i do not have to worry about for quite some time. there was a time i believed that my defects of character were what made me a unique individual and was afraid to become entirely willing to have them removed. after all, the last thing i want to become is a boring clone without any personality or identity. these days i realize that my defects of character and the associated behaviors are actually a block to becoming the man that i wish to become. i also realize that they are a part of me and have come to accept them, and integrate into my life the spiritual principles that are the opposite of the behaviors i act out when i exercise them. and just like getting in physical shape is difficult and painful when i first start working out, so is getting myself in spiritual shape. there is pain from using spiritual muscles that i have never used, and learning how to properly exercise my new found spiritual regimen is a process that takes continuous practice to achieve. does this mean that i should just stop because i will never achieve perfection or am not worth the effort? a resounding NO! it just means that i do the best to allow my true self to be expressed by practicing what i have learned over the course of my recovery.
so when i imagine what my life would be without defects of character i see a man who is happy and accepting of who he is today, i see a man that is open and giving of his time, love and self, i see a man who walks through the world leaving a better place behind him in at least some small manner, and i see a man who is comfortable in his own skin and humbly accepts who and what he is. do i need to ask for the willingness to have my shortcomings removed? yes, every single day, because it is part of my current nature is to rebel and be a selfish, self-centered bastard. do i want more than that today? YES, so i will continue following the suggestions and do my best to become that man.
∞ DT ∞
but i do not think the church will be putting my name in the beatification queue anytime soon, so i do not have to worry about for quite some time. there was a time i believed that my defects of character were what made me a unique individual and was afraid to become entirely willing to have them removed. after all, the last thing i want to become is a boring clone without any personality or identity. these days i realize that my defects of character and the associated behaviors are actually a block to becoming the man that i wish to become. i also realize that they are a part of me and have come to accept them, and integrate into my life the spiritual principles that are the opposite of the behaviors i act out when i exercise them. and just like getting in physical shape is difficult and painful when i first start working out, so is getting myself in spiritual shape. there is pain from using spiritual muscles that i have never used, and learning how to properly exercise my new found spiritual regimen is a process that takes continuous practice to achieve. does this mean that i should just stop because i will never achieve perfection or am not worth the effort? a resounding NO! it just means that i do the best to allow my true self to be expressed by practicing what i have learned over the course of my recovery.
so when i imagine what my life would be without defects of character i see a man who is happy and accepting of who he is today, i see a man that is open and giving of his time, love and self, i see a man who walks through the world leaving a better place behind him in at least some small manner, and i see a man who is comfortable in his own skin and humbly accepts who and what he is. do i need to ask for the willingness to have my shortcomings removed? yes, every single day, because it is part of my current nature is to rebel and be a selfish, self-centered bastard. do i want more than that today? YES, so i will continue following the suggestions and do my best to become that man.
∞ DT ∞