Some memes

anger and fear, oh my. the program of recovery that has brought me this far, sometimes makes me wonder if the addicts who wrote the literature, really believe that as a human being, one can be absolutely freed of these very human traits. i know for certain, that this human being, will probably never be and if i was to look at the non-achievement of that as something to base my actions upon, i might as well quit right now and allow myself to spin down into the oblivion of untreated addiction. my world view when i came to recovery was black and white. if faced with this conundrum, way back when, i am not sure what i would have done. after a minute of being clean and working a program of recovery, i know that those bugaboos are just that, things i need to address and deal with, as part of that recovery program. the removal of them from who i am will never take place, but i do not have to react to my FEAR with anger and i do not need to hold my anger until it becomes a resentment, as i have the ways and means to short-circuit that process.

Mindy Z
Congrats on TWELVE (12) years clean.

what also kept bubbling up the surface this morning was how am i going to keep moving forward, as a loving and caring participant in the life of my Mom, when she seems to be resigned to stay where she is? part of what i am feeling the grief i am still feeling from the death of my Dad. as that anniversary approaches, i am struck more and more by the limited conversation we had the night of his “surge” and how i can honor what he asked me to do and not be a “dick” about it. quite a pile of concerns to deal with, this morning and a nice forty-five minute workout, will certainly help me, pound them into the asphalt. i am okay this morning and need to move forward with my life, as i have this morning heavily front-loaded. it is, however, a great day to be clean.

∞ DT ∞