↔ asking myself why i react in a certain manner can sometimes root out the fear at the core of my conduct ↔
Posted: Tue, Apr 14, 2009 08:53:05 AM
**why am i afraid to step beyond?**
**am i afraid of who i will become?**
these and many pother questions can haunt an addict in recovery, but the irony of this is, only those who are actually working a program of active recovery will even ask these kinds of questions, the ones who NEED the introspection the answers may provide are oblivious to these questions much less the answers.
but enough of other people’s Jeopardy, the answer and question game, not the imminent threat, although both may apply.
anyhow on to me. this last growth spurt has uncovered a nest of fears that i thought were resolved a long time ago. that is the wonderful part of active recovery, i get to keep diving deeper and deeper into the pool rooting out gems of spiritual growth as well as pieces of spiritual garbage that have been sitting lurking in the depths, just waiting to snatch me up and take me on the thrill ride of resentment, bitterness and rage. the good part is once the garbage is found, i have the tools to allow it to be removed from me, and if i am diligent in my recovery NEVER see it come back. that does not mean that there is a similar FEAR still waiting to be uncovered, but the chances are that when that rears its ugly head i will be able to pluck it out and surrender it into the care of a HIGHER POWER.
so anyhow, i am running behind the schedule i set for myself this morning, so i NEED to sign-off and hit the road. i will end on this note, the FEAR that people will not like me, if i stand up for myself has been diminished, i have come to the conclusion that if i want to continue to become more comfortable in my skin, then letting go of what others think is thew direction to go. sure it is nice to have their approval, but for me to thrive, i NEED to see it for what it is, DESIRED but NOT REQUIRED. the amazing part is, i can grow whether or not my desires are met, in fact i sometimes grow more when i do not get what i want. so the HOPE is i understand the difference today!
**am i afraid of who i will become?**
these and many pother questions can haunt an addict in recovery, but the irony of this is, only those who are actually working a program of active recovery will even ask these kinds of questions, the ones who NEED the introspection the answers may provide are oblivious to these questions much less the answers.
but enough of other people’s Jeopardy, the answer and question game, not the imminent threat, although both may apply.
anyhow on to me. this last growth spurt has uncovered a nest of fears that i thought were resolved a long time ago. that is the wonderful part of active recovery, i get to keep diving deeper and deeper into the pool rooting out gems of spiritual growth as well as pieces of spiritual garbage that have been sitting lurking in the depths, just waiting to snatch me up and take me on the thrill ride of resentment, bitterness and rage. the good part is once the garbage is found, i have the tools to allow it to be removed from me, and if i am diligent in my recovery NEVER see it come back. that does not mean that there is a similar FEAR still waiting to be uncovered, but the chances are that when that rears its ugly head i will be able to pluck it out and surrender it into the care of a HIGHER POWER.
so anyhow, i am running behind the schedule i set for myself this morning, so i NEED to sign-off and hit the road. i will end on this note, the FEAR that people will not like me, if i stand up for myself has been diminished, i have come to the conclusion that if i want to continue to become more comfortable in my skin, then letting go of what others think is thew direction to go. sure it is nice to have their approval, but for me to thrive, i NEED to see it for what it is, DESIRED but NOT REQUIRED. the amazing part is, i can grow whether or not my desires are met, in fact i sometimes grow more when i do not get what i want. so the HOPE is i understand the difference today!
∞ DT ∞