β praying only for knowledge, the power to carry it out, and the ability to β
Posted: Sat, Dec 1, 2012 08:06:16 AM
live with the consequences will ensure that i will get no more than i can handle.
as the past few days have shown, i am in a place in my recovery where i am at odds with myself. yes this is going to be one of those seemingly multiple personality kind of writings. the part of me i call addiction, the part of me that wants recovery and all its gifts and the part of me that insists that rationally, just about everything has an explanation. all of those parts, comprise me and together they add up to much more than their sum, but when i get to a place in my recovery, that requires, oh what is a good way to say this, how about SURRENDER, the battle is joined and my life at least internally is sheer turmoil. at times like these, i want to pray for the easy way out, PERIOD! it had been my experience, that generally i get exactly what i pray for, and in this case asking for an easy way out may bring consequences that i am not equipped top deal with, today or any day for that matter.
so i buck up, accept that IF i want to grow, i have to do what i have done and SURRENDER once again, to the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery and allow myself to become the person i really want to be, which certainly is not the easier or softer way out of the spiritual turmoil i am in.
so off to work, a meeting, more work and maybe some Christmas lights, because that too is a consequence of being who i am.
as the past few days have shown, i am in a place in my recovery where i am at odds with myself. yes this is going to be one of those seemingly multiple personality kind of writings. the part of me i call addiction, the part of me that wants recovery and all its gifts and the part of me that insists that rationally, just about everything has an explanation. all of those parts, comprise me and together they add up to much more than their sum, but when i get to a place in my recovery, that requires, oh what is a good way to say this, how about SURRENDER, the battle is joined and my life at least internally is sheer turmoil. at times like these, i want to pray for the easy way out, PERIOD! it had been my experience, that generally i get exactly what i pray for, and in this case asking for an easy way out may bring consequences that i am not equipped top deal with, today or any day for that matter.
so i buck up, accept that IF i want to grow, i have to do what i have done and SURRENDER once again, to the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery and allow myself to become the person i really want to be, which certainly is not the easier or softer way out of the spiritual turmoil i am in.
so off to work, a meeting, more work and maybe some Christmas lights, because that too is a consequence of being who i am.
∞ DT ∞