Blog entry for:

of fellowship and spiritual strength THAT has been introduced to my life. in fact, part of what this program of living has given me is the desire to do the next right thing. that being said, to anyone who is living a lie, the time to 'fess up or be outed has come. hiding behind your guilt and shame may be alright for you, but it WILL be deadly for others, so grow a backbone and take care of what you need to take care of, today.
so what do i have to own today? that i am enabling someone to hide behind their guilt and shame and look good. that i am providing cover for someone who does not deserve it, and that i am complicit in a lie, and today that is not okay with me. for me, leaving out part of the story, to make myself look or feel better, is NO DIFFERENT that telling a flat out lie, and as i am feeling the pressure to be honest, i have come to the conclusion, that if asked i will tell the truth, PERIOD. no more tap-dancing, no more spin, no more of anything but the truth as harsh and cold as it sounds, my program will no longer be suspect when it comes to my honesty, for any reason.
i could worry about how all of this will play out, it has however been my experience that the truth is NEVER deadly, it may be painful, embarrassing or even humiliating, but never fatal.
living up to and surrendering to the new influence the fellowship has brought into my life, is part of doing the deed and not just looking like i am doing it, or allowing others to believe that i am doing so. it is true, that i have put a bit of distance between myself and others in the fellowship, for many reasons, some of them valid, some not so much. what i feel today, is that it is time to close that gulf, even though it means that i will get involved in the drama that is inherent in any group of human beings, it is after all, upon this collection of individuals that i have to depend. their collective experience and wisdom is what gives me the power to surrender to the POWER that fuels my recovery. that POWER gives me the courage to face what i need to face and be who i need to be and allow myself to act, rather than be a victim of my circumstances. no longer do i live by default and no longer will i cover for someone, just so i can keep them liking me. today, this current phase of people-pleasing ends, and i am resolved to live by the principles that i have been taught. to mine own self i will be true and today, stepping out of the shadows of my anger, sadness and fear, i will do the next right thing, regardless of the consequences. so proper warning has been given, the wheels have been set in motion and i no longer need to manipulate others to get my desire, i will allow the POWER that fuels my recovery to guide me and show me the next right thing to do.

∞ DT ∞