¹ the overwhelming feelings that often arise in early recovery ¹
Posted: Sun, Nov 16, 2014 11:11:21 AM
—feelings of fear, anger, and mistrust—can also keep me isolated.
well it is nearly 10 AM, i am still in the clothes i slept in last night, wondering where the fVck my morning went! it is true, the snow removal tasks have been done, most of my laundry has been fluffed, folded and put away, and i have finally set what i hope is a winning line-up for my fantasy football leagues. so there i have my answers, it has been an activity packed morning and it is a short one, as my real football team, at least the one i root for and follow religiously plays in an hour, so sprinting to the goal of seeing the kick-off for the first time this season, is quite a feat.
the reading? well, the reading spoke of the isolation i can feel, when i see myself as different from my peers. it is tough not to, on some days, as my spiritual path is nowhere close to norm in my local fellowship. in fact, the away i look at the world beyond the mundane, does not endear me any more to my fellows, and certainly sets me up for isolation. after all, how can i ever share that i do not believe there is any sort of human definable intelligence inherent in the POWER that fuels my recovery. nor is there any human-like attributes such as that POWER being loving, kind or compassionate. nor do i believe there is any sort of will, or decision-making process going on in that POWER, so 99% of what i see as the POWER that fuels my recovery, is lacking from what my peers profess to believe, and when i dwell in that house, i certainly can be isolated. my job? well, it is my job to see beyond what i think is a narrow culturally-defined image and allow my fellows and peers, to see that even without all those trappings, one can turn their will and their life over into the care of that POWER. ironically, today, turning it over is not nearly the hassle as it was yesterday. today, for some reason i feel calm, cool and certain that no matter what happens i will be given what i need to get through it. the Broncos may really stink up the city of Saint Louis, my fantasy teams may score no points, Ebola may break out in Longmont, or i might get struck by a lightening bolt from out of the blue. all of those are possible events, one or more may come to pass today. right here and right now, i know that my peers have my back, sure i may have to fade some heat from bad choices in my fantasy league, or share some moans and groans was i commiserate with the rest of the local fan base, but i KNOW that my FAITH will carry me through, and for this addict, that is more than enough. time to start preparing to hit the snow covered trail, as i do have a few miles to go, before i sleep tonight.
well it is nearly 10 AM, i am still in the clothes i slept in last night, wondering where the fVck my morning went! it is true, the snow removal tasks have been done, most of my laundry has been fluffed, folded and put away, and i have finally set what i hope is a winning line-up for my fantasy football leagues. so there i have my answers, it has been an activity packed morning and it is a short one, as my real football team, at least the one i root for and follow religiously plays in an hour, so sprinting to the goal of seeing the kick-off for the first time this season, is quite a feat.
the reading? well, the reading spoke of the isolation i can feel, when i see myself as different from my peers. it is tough not to, on some days, as my spiritual path is nowhere close to norm in my local fellowship. in fact, the away i look at the world beyond the mundane, does not endear me any more to my fellows, and certainly sets me up for isolation. after all, how can i ever share that i do not believe there is any sort of human definable intelligence inherent in the POWER that fuels my recovery. nor is there any human-like attributes such as that POWER being loving, kind or compassionate. nor do i believe there is any sort of will, or decision-making process going on in that POWER, so 99% of what i see as the POWER that fuels my recovery, is lacking from what my peers profess to believe, and when i dwell in that house, i certainly can be isolated. my job? well, it is my job to see beyond what i think is a narrow culturally-defined image and allow my fellows and peers, to see that even without all those trappings, one can turn their will and their life over into the care of that POWER. ironically, today, turning it over is not nearly the hassle as it was yesterday. today, for some reason i feel calm, cool and certain that no matter what happens i will be given what i need to get through it. the Broncos may really stink up the city of Saint Louis, my fantasy teams may score no points, Ebola may break out in Longmont, or i might get struck by a lightening bolt from out of the blue. all of those are possible events, one or more may come to pass today. right here and right now, i know that my peers have my back, sure i may have to fade some heat from bad choices in my fantasy league, or share some moans and groans was i commiserate with the rest of the local fan base, but i KNOW that my FAITH will carry me through, and for this addict, that is more than enough. time to start preparing to hit the snow covered trail, as i do have a few miles to go, before i sleep tonight.
∞ DT ∞