Blog entry for:

spiritual this and spiritual that. GOD, HIGHER POWER, the POWER that fuels my recovery. it seems that every other day i am stumbling across this topic and although i GET that it is a central tenet of the program, that provides the impetus of my new life, i still tire of it, from time to time. there , now i have said it out loud, i can move along.
so after that little hissy fit, i can get down to what i was thinking about this morning. ironically is is BECAUSE of my spiritual awakening that i have developed this little bit of angst about all the very theistic aspects of the program. only because the program allowed me the freedom to explore other realms and ideas, am i stumbling over what it is i find less than attractive. and yes, i am coming to a place where i find theism, less than attractive and it is a journey i embarked upon long before i ever picked up that very first time. today, however i need not rail against what i see as the biggest constraint that is foisted upon my peers. that which i see as a constraint, is actually a structure upon which to build a framework for life. it is that framework that gave me the ability to walk this path. it is the framework that knits us together and it is the framework that has allowed me to open my mind to something far different, a bit alien and definitely not within one standard deviation of the norm.
the issue i have been having is with the whole idea of having to “ask,” after all, if such a POWER is as powerful as many seem to indicate, why would i need to ask of IT anything? IT already knows my needs and wants. IT already knows what is best for me and IT already knows where i am going, all i need to do is play along. so when one removes the personification part, the IT becomes indescribable and much more powerful and without human traits such as love, compassion, humor, vengeance or judgement. that POWER becomes pure and beyond my ability to describe, enumerate or picture., and with that notion i have absolutely no problem. communicating with such a force is therefore the issue, and although the POWER that fuels my recovery is beyond all of that, what it is feeling like it is coming down to, at least for me, is an expression of my humility and an acknowledgement of my part of the partnership my life is. yes i feel that i am a partner with the POWER that fuels my recovery and not a supplicant. that POWER provides me the means to stay clean today and i need to be awake enough to take advantage of the opportunities as well as the curve-balls that life throws at me. so i guess what it comes down to is this: my current manifestation of a spiritual awakening is waking up to the notion that it is up to me to pay attention, act and react as need, and do what i can to foster my growth within the framework that this recovery program has given me, and just for today, that remains for me to ask for the power to stay clean and express my gratitude for another day clean. as i move further into this step, that will be revealed, as the POWER that fuels my recovery does that still, today.

∞ DT ∞