Some memes

well after being of service to a couple of my creditors, i guess i am ready to look at this topic in a bit of detail. for the rest of the human race, the end of the year is often the time to reflect on what one has accomplished, their success and their failures. for me that generally happen on or around September 9th or 10th, as the 10th is my clean date anniversary. falling into that pattern, today i see that i could pay my bills, so i have a roof over my head for at least another month. i woke up this morning with a desire to stay clean, so i have another day of recovery ahead of me. there is a boatload of successes and failures i have accumulated over the past year, but the ones i dwell on the most, seem to be the ones that i really have no power over. those are the opportunities i see for service, where the offer is spurned for one reason or another.of course, those who ignore the request or defer are never the ones who see it as a failure, it is me who takes on that sh!t and me who carries around what are really not slights nor evidence of disrespect, they are just events that need not such importance attached to them. just as those i was whining about the other day, looking for evidence to build a case form the lack of response to their social media posts, i sit in my own crap, wondering what i have to do, instead of putting the offer out there and leaving the results up to whatever is supposed to happen.
this reading does make me reflect on my level of commitment to the service effort i carry out on a daily, monthly and yes even annual basis. honestly i skipped out on one last night, for no good reason at all. there is a bit of guilt over that, and of course i could beat myself up, or compensate by doubling down on my efforts for today. what is actually happening, as i ponder my activities for this day off from work, is that i think i will just be okay, and see what happens. i have done everything i agreed to do, even though some of it requires little or no effort on my part. does level of effort really equal commitment to service? an interesting question and one that i will defer on answering until a later time and perhaps place.
so what am i feeling right now, as i join the rest of the human race and look back in retrospect on the year that is ending? i feel accomplished, i feel secure, i feel hopeful and i feel that i can take a risk or two in social situations that can still baffle me. i am looking forward to having the next four days off and seeing what, if any, service i can be of, across the course of this very long holiday weekend.
it is after all a great day to be clean.

∞ DT ∞