↬ the problem ↫
Posted: Fri, Oct 28, 2016 08:46:45 AM
lies with me and my attitude. actually there are two paths to how this may flow for me this morning. the first being, a day off from work, with PAY, can certainly fix a less than stellar attitude. the second being, how can a cynic like me, see nothing but rainbows and unicorns?
i do have today off from work, and for the next three days, i can live the life of a recovering addict, without having to pile the stress of work upon myself. i really do like my job, and my current career path, and for someone who was a very “latecomer” to this recovery show, that is truly “miraculous.” i understand the desperation my peers feel, when they come to the rooms unemployable, or as in my case only employable as a member of the family business. i never believed i would have a life where i had a career, and a job i actually enjoy doing 90% of the time. what i really find enjoyable is benefits. the trade-off for paid time off, is that i have to work for someone else, and i do not find that depressing or oppressing, it is certainly a price i am willing to pay. it is amazing that my employers value my time and skills even when i mess up and forget to mute my phone on a war room. it si even more amazing that i am not headed for the door after two years at this position, as in this incarnation, that seems my wont. i know the company i work for is not going away, and my job, at least for today, is not going anywhere either, but that does not mean that i should rest on my laurels and not improve my skill-set, cue the cynic, after all who knows when they close down my office and force me to make a decision that entails a very long commute or a new position. that day, however, is not today, so i will let go of that notion and move along.
the second prong of this mind dump this morning, needs to address my cynicism. once upon a time, i certainly was ruled by it. nothing was ever good enough. the good times could not possibly last and yes i always wondered when the other shoe would drop. yes, i can still go there, and quite often i certainly can see what is under the rainbow, rather than enjoying its beauty. when i focus on what may not be as it appears, instead of living in the moment, i certainly can get myself worked up into a nasty attitude. something that has helped me, is that i have moved into a space, where things just are. everything has elements of yin and yang, and nothing is pure in any sense, save the whole. whether or not i like the black, does not mean that i choose to favor white over it, or worse judge back to be bad or negative and white to be good and positive. i no longer need to cast those judgements 100% of the time, and i am certain as my spiritual path grows deeper, those judgements will tend towards zero. in that world i accept that i am a cynic, it is a part of me, and it only becomes defective when i live in that side of me to exclusion of everything else. when i temper cynicism with HOPE and FAITH, i am more whole and yes more true to who i am becoming. when i let go of negative and positive, save for when i am speaking about electromagnetism or physics, i live in a world where the whole picture is visible to me, not just the 2 dimensional world of good and evil.
today i have the day off and i GET to head on down to convention, get my car washed, have brunch with a friend and do absolutely nothing in between, unless i CHOOSE to do so and for me, right here and right now that is certainly a POSITIVE thing!
i do have today off from work, and for the next three days, i can live the life of a recovering addict, without having to pile the stress of work upon myself. i really do like my job, and my current career path, and for someone who was a very “latecomer” to this recovery show, that is truly “miraculous.” i understand the desperation my peers feel, when they come to the rooms unemployable, or as in my case only employable as a member of the family business. i never believed i would have a life where i had a career, and a job i actually enjoy doing 90% of the time. what i really find enjoyable is benefits. the trade-off for paid time off, is that i have to work for someone else, and i do not find that depressing or oppressing, it is certainly a price i am willing to pay. it is amazing that my employers value my time and skills even when i mess up and forget to mute my phone on a war room. it si even more amazing that i am not headed for the door after two years at this position, as in this incarnation, that seems my wont. i know the company i work for is not going away, and my job, at least for today, is not going anywhere either, but that does not mean that i should rest on my laurels and not improve my skill-set, cue the cynic, after all who knows when they close down my office and force me to make a decision that entails a very long commute or a new position. that day, however, is not today, so i will let go of that notion and move along.
the second prong of this mind dump this morning, needs to address my cynicism. once upon a time, i certainly was ruled by it. nothing was ever good enough. the good times could not possibly last and yes i always wondered when the other shoe would drop. yes, i can still go there, and quite often i certainly can see what is under the rainbow, rather than enjoying its beauty. when i focus on what may not be as it appears, instead of living in the moment, i certainly can get myself worked up into a nasty attitude. something that has helped me, is that i have moved into a space, where things just are. everything has elements of yin and yang, and nothing is pure in any sense, save the whole. whether or not i like the black, does not mean that i choose to favor white over it, or worse judge back to be bad or negative and white to be good and positive. i no longer need to cast those judgements 100% of the time, and i am certain as my spiritual path grows deeper, those judgements will tend towards zero. in that world i accept that i am a cynic, it is a part of me, and it only becomes defective when i live in that side of me to exclusion of everything else. when i temper cynicism with HOPE and FAITH, i am more whole and yes more true to who i am becoming. when i let go of negative and positive, save for when i am speaking about electromagnetism or physics, i live in a world where the whole picture is visible to me, not just the 2 dimensional world of good and evil.
today i have the day off and i GET to head on down to convention, get my car washed, have brunch with a friend and do absolutely nothing in between, unless i CHOOSE to do so and for me, right here and right now that is certainly a POSITIVE thing!
∞ DT ∞