Blog entry for:

wherever i am. hmmm, a interesting thought on this wintry October morning. because of being on injured reserved and being all-in on my physical therapy, i have a new weekend routine, that allows for me to put my thoughts down in bits and bytes before heading over to my home group. as i walk through my physical recovery and figuring out how to eat ice cream, without adding inches to my waist and pounds to my bod, i see that i have been freed from the prison of isolation i built for myself, with the lie that defined me for so long. will the perpetrator of the action that started me down that path ever own what they did? probably not, as once they thought it was an amusing story with which to regale their friends and acquaintances. at this late date, it does not matter, as i am on the road to forgiving them and may someday be able to say that i have.
i am one of those who carries the message of freedom to men who are physically prevented from attending meetings and when i say i am free, the irony is not lost on them. they have created an atmosphere of recovery, within their walls, and the group they have formed, carries a message of recovery, although that message may be a bit mixed, it is recovery nevertheless. i feel HOPE every time i venture down to take a meeting into them, because i see a group of men who are finding freedom form active addiction, even though they are locked up.
what does freedom mean for me today? well certainly i have been freed from the burden of active addiction and as i told one of the men i sponsor the other day, freed from being a victim of my addiction. accepting i am an addict and that i am powerless over addiction, does not mean i have to allow myself to be victimized, that is a choice i make on a daily basis. living free today does not, however, mean i “get” to do anything that crosses my mind. there are all sorts of constraints that i place on myself, the first being to do no harm to myself and others, to the best of my ability. does the action i am free to take further my journey to a healthier , saner self, or is it just pandering to pleasure? do not get me wrong, there is nothing inherently wrong in doing something merely because it is enjoyable, as long as i am willing to pay the cost, no matter how steep.
right here and right now? well it is time to wrap this up and get moving towards my home group. i am clean today and i have made the choice to do what i need to support myself, my fitness and most importantly my spiritual state. it certainly is a good day to be clean, regardless of how much or how little snow decides to fall, just for today.

∞ DT ∞