Blog entry for:

after writing about all my rejection of my codependent behavior over the weekend i realized at the meeting last night that i had read the wrong reading. silly me, i read today's reading about sharing the gifts of my recovery yesterday and totally missed the GOD's will reading -- i guess i am only human too. THANK GOD!
so i am a bit confused about self-will, my true will and GOD's will these days and it is only fitting that this realization should come as i complete my third step. i am realizing that what i once found to be acceptable behavior in my friends, my peers and the world around me is no longer acceptable to me and the iron curtain of isolation is coming down with a reverberating clang on anyone who dares to cross those undefined, invisible boundaries. well i will learn and move on, as i am sure it is GOD's will for me to do.
i do know that the time is long past to have the conversation with some of the people in my life of what my expectations are of them, at least with respect to our relationships and that too is probably GOD's will for me.
it is funny that in this season of giving that i am moving away from my co-dependant behaviors and am becoming willing to have less. do not get me wrong, i am not cutting myself off from humanity, nor am i going to stop giving. what i am going to stop is giving with the expectation of return. those who have been taking and taking and taking may find themselves getting much less, as i examine all of my relationships and alter my part in the ones that are not healthy for me. after all i cannot fix anyone, not even myself. but i can do the work needed to let GOD and the process of recovery repair this damaged individual and that too is probably GOD's will for me today. yes i would love to win powerball but will i pray for GOD to provide me with the winning numbers? no way! i know that the odds of winning are less than the odds of getting struck by lightening and the last thing i really want to do is pray to get struck by lightening today.
so what are my ideas for how to live my life today? i want to be happy, healthy, and feel that my life is worth something. and you know right now i have that. the process of change that is going on inside of me is what is supposed to be happening and i believe that i will stop digging in my heels and let it happen as it is supposed to, one day at a time. and thanks anonymouse for this link!
http://www.hazelden.org/servlet/hazelden/thoughts?cat_id=1904&page_id=25020
∞ DT ∞